I recycle when I feel like it.I don't recycle, but if someone asks, I say I do.I have never given to charity.I always make up an excuse whenever Greenpeace volunteers try to get my attention on the street.I don't even bother to say "sorry" when ignoring Greenpeace volunteers.I did not call my mom on Mother's Day.I've forgotten my best friend's birthday.I've driven drunk.I've let a friend drive drunk.I've cheated on a test.I've cheated on my taxes.I've gotten incorrect change (say, a $20 bill when it should have been a $10) and not said anything.I've broken up with someone over text.I've broken up with someone by telling a huge lie. Like someone died.I've sympathized with Justin Bieber's struggles.I don't really care about any particular cause.I have pretended to listen to a friend talk about her problems when really I was online shopping.I have claimed to have never received an email about an important matter when of course I did but just didn't want to deal.I rarely give food or change to homeless people.I never give food or change to homeless people.I say, "I just can't" all the time.I think people are the worst.I don't have time for people.I've lied to my psychiatrist.I've lied to my parents and not felt bad about it.I've lied to a best friend.I tell lies all the time.I can't stand kids.You could not pay me one million dollars to babysit your kids.I've laughed at the Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercial.I like Nickelback.I've never participated in an AIDS/breast cancer/cause-related walk/run.I've participated in a cause-related walk/run, but only because it made me look good.I have gone to a wedding but not offered a wedding gift to the couple.I hardly ever leave big tips.I leave the minimum tip possible.I don't tip.I usually leave several lights on when I leave the house.I don't even really think about trying to conserve energy.I let the water run while brushing my teeth.UpWorthy annoys the crap out of me.I have hung out with someone/pretended I liked them because I wanted something from them.I have gone on a date just to get a free meal.I buy clothing from retailers that probably use sweatshops.I buy clothing from retailers that probably use sweatshops and I don't really care.I've purchased a pair of TOMS, but not because of the charity aspect. Just because they were cute.I've purchased overpriced vinyl at Whole Foods.I am a DJ at my local Whole Foods.I've littered.I've refused to change seats on an airplane so a family could sit together.I've come into work sick and gotten everyone else sick.I'm fairly impatient.Or REALLY impatient.I've once judged someone by the car they drive.I always judge someone by the car they drive.I don't really care what happens to...whatever person the thing is going to happen to.I have farted in an elevator.I have pressed the close button on an elevator when I knew someone was running to catch it.I have knowingly taken someone's yogurt from the fridge at work.I get mad at old people for walking too slow.I've sometimes thrown good clothes away that could have gone to Goodwill.I always throw old clothes in the trash.I've thought about volunteering, but didn't want to give up my Netflix/spin class/drinking time.I've lied about being sick in order to get out of a good friend's birthday party I just didn't want to deal with.I've glared at a crying baby.I've yelled at someone for texting while driving when really I do it ALL THE TIME.I've gone out of my way to step on an insect.I've talked about a friend behind his/her back.I've slut-shamed someone.I've catcalled someone.I've taken a message for someone and not given it to them.I've talked about someone behind their back while having a Gchat conversation with them.I've laughed at someone else's pain.I've gone ahead and watched an entire series when I was watching it with my partner.I've called someone fat.I am still on a dating website even though I am in a relationship.I've cheated on someone.
Are You A Bad Person?
You, my friend, are a wee little angel. Anything "bad" you do is really more easily categorized as mischievous. If anything, you're what you might call a "little devil."
You've got an inner Regina George, don't you? But see, you're a really talented bad person, because you can get away with things and people still like you.
*Cue ominous music.