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This Guy Had The Most Hilarious Exchange With A Grocery Store After Finding A Worm On His Cucumber

Aaaand after alllll, you're my wooonder wooooorm.

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Wes Metcalfe was very disappointed to find a worm on a cucumber he'd bought at Tesco. Mostly because it was dead.

According to a message he left on Tesco's Facebook page, the South Yorkshire man was trying to make his favourite sandwich — cucumber, naturally — when the worm was discovered.

"I excitedly shouted the kids downstairs to come and meet our new pet. We decided to name him William," wrote Metcalfe.

"Our new pet appeared to be very unresponsive, we just put it down to him being sleepy and decided to give him sometime to come round."

Sadly, William was very much deceased.

"I now have three very upset children, a worm funeral to plan and to top it all off I've totally lost my taste for cucumber sandwiches which as everyone knows are a favourite at any wake," wrote Metcalfe.

"So come on Tesco wiggle your way out of this one!?!?"

But it got better. Because then Tesco responded. With a poem.

And it's not bad, tbh.

An ode to William

Although life takes funny old turns, we can all learn from William the Worm.

Let us gather, light a candle to burn, and celebrate the life of William the Worm.

Lights shine bright; let’s eat sponge cake through the night! Because there’s many a lesson to learn.

He wriggled many miles; he gave us many smiles, so we stand today confident and firm…

William will be back, very much like Arnie, though now we will all check, before we make a sarnie!

It was signed "Rob – Customer Care."

But it didn't stop there. Poor William needed a proper burial and Metcalfe prepared a serene final resting place for the departed.

It included a framed picture of William and a tiny Tesco condolence card because Metcalfe is admirably committed to the bit.

He also had a poem of his own for dear William.

As we gather here today for William the worm
It's time to reflect on the lessons we can learn
Now this poor worm's life was cut far too short
After he was crushed to death in a cucumber I bought
Tesco please don't let this happen again
Don't let Williams life be lost in vain
But let's not focus on who's to blame
Tesco have apologised admitting their shame
As we resume Willian's body into the mud
Please don't shed a tear instead think of the good
For Willian's death has brought us all here
Sharing jokes and spreading cheer
Before his death William was completely unknown
Spending his days in the mud on his own
But now his name has travelled wide and far
William the worm - the viral superstar!

Who's cutting onions in here?

The CW / Via

But we're not done. Because Rob from customer care is not done. Honestly the whole response is worth reading, but I've bolded the best bits:

What a day Wes.

They say that Sunday is the day of rest, though my thoughts have been very much with yourself, your family, and of course William on this fateful day, and in the evening building up to this moment.

I thought I could hold back the tears (I mean we all thought we’d be able to stay strong today didn’t we?) though I can assure you that any tears shed here at Tesco Offices are out of pure joy and appreciation for William’s wonderful life.

You’ve got me started once again with your truly moving and heartfelt words; thank you Wes, and thank you to everyone for their support today.

What a beautiful tribute to such a beautiful worm; I think we’re all comfortable in the knowledge that he’d be wanting us to celebrate his life today, and I’ve spent my free time listening to classic hits such as Boom Boom Pow, Pump It, Meet Me Halfway, and Where is The Love in his memory; I’m sure he’ll be looking down on us with much appreciation.

And then, the best part, the crowning glory of this entire saga. Rob, bless him, turned Oasis' "Wonderwall" into a tribute to William.

Big Brother Recordings Limited / Via

You know the tune:

Today is gonna be the day that we’re gonna celebrate for Will,
He’s’ gone, and now we’re feeling sad, we know it’s a void we cannot fill,
I don’t believe that anybody, feels the way we do, about you Will…


Back beat, the word is on the street that you’d travelled many-many miles,
I thought we’d seen it all before, but you’ve gave us memories and smiles,
I don’t believe that anybody, feels the way we do, about you now…


And all the grass you’d wriggled through is inspiring,
And all the time that Wes spent trying to revive you…
There are many things that we, would like to say to you
But we cannot now…. :(


Because maybe,
You’re gonna the worm that saves me,
I think we’ve learned,
You’re our wonder worm!

You were our wonder worm, William.

ABC / Via

Metcalfe then followed up with a Blur-inspired tribute, but let's be honest, Rob won this.

The exchange has been shared thousands of times, with many commenters urging Tesco to give Rob from customer service a big, fat promotion.

But we'll leave it on these touching words of wisdom from Rob on love, loss, and life:

"The key lesson here has to be that when our lives are affected by a tragic loss, we must focus on regenerating, and moving forward, much like an earthworm may do, should it become split into two."