1. The time life caught up with her real quick:
well it is officially. After years of making fun of both, I now eat activia yogurt and drink kombucha. life comes at you fast
2. The time she asked the question that really matters most:
Do you ever feel like your dog is disappointed in you
3. This Kidz Bop confusion:
I can’t tell the difference between kidz bop and the real songs. My brain is dead
4. This post-pregnancy epiphany:
no one told me i would be coming home in diapers too
5. The time she wished she could use Photoshop:
I cannot help but think how funny I would be if I knew photoshop
6. And then the time she actually tried it out:
i'm trying to photoshop john's head onto zayn's body in a 1D group shot. i have the saddest life
7. The time she was tired of seeing bad penises:
The penises people tweet me are always the worst penises
8. This real-life magic:
OH MY GOD 11:11 REALLY IS MAGICAL
9. This all-too-accurate realization:
i am basically just refreshing websites until i fucking die i guess
10. This almost-very-innovative idea:
Was so proud of my genius idea to record a tv show on our phones when we had WiFi to watch in the air when we didn’t have WiFi. Then John informed me that would mean we already watched it while recording it with our phones and stuff.
11. This time where she was just so freakin' relatable:
I am so stupid and so tired please stop expecting things from me
12. The time Pokémon Go called her out:
Ok well this is already mean
13. This makeup misunderstanding:
i don't even get what a bb cream is and now you're telling me there is a cc
14. The time she enjoyed the cocktail of her hungover self's dreams:
enjoying a nice pedialyte on the rocks this fine morning
15. The time she got real about 50 Cent:
I never ever want 50 cent to be mad at me
16. This response to all her internet haters:
you: “ew that looks gross”. also you: not invited for dinner anyhow.
17. This "cuter/more hip" version of an STI:
I call herpes "herps" because it's cuter/more hip
18. The time she was alarmed about her hamster:
the hamster has finally figured out her wheel. is it possible for her to exercise too much? should I take the wheel out sometimes? I’m worried she’s about to start a fitness instagram
19. The time she embraced her laziness:
lazy is moving your shorts crotch to the side to pee
20. The time she dreamed about Justin Bieber:
I had a dream I was giving Justin Bieber relationship advice and then pet him and said "everyone's too hard on you, Justin".
21. This *very* understandable reason to be upset:
sometimes i get legit upset that i'm not italian
22. The time she was, like, basically all of us at 4:30 a.m.:
4:30am, eating a sausage mcmuffin and looking up the gestation period of animals
23. The time she couldn't remember if she actually met Jon Gosselin:
I can't decide if I've met jon gosselin or I dreamt I met jon gosselin or if I should admit i think about jon gosselin
24. This idea to create a book club we'd ALL join:
I wanna start a chicken soup for the soul book club at the library and we just read to each other and drink wine. Can you legally serve free wine at the library?
25. The time she summed up internet culture:
I like it when my friends "like" my photos because then I know they aren't mad at me for something.
26. And of course, the most important inquiry of all:
IS PEE STORED IN THE BALLS