1. “OK… That’s three minutes we’ll never get back, but look at it this way: We’ll never have to hear that song again.”
2. "Oh, so this is where we feign interest?"
3. “Give them a nudge, every vote counts... Oh, I do hope we get some votes tonight.”
4. "Even in 2015 it’s like there’s a tin can and string connecting us to some of these countries."
5. “He said he did something terrible as a boy. We don’t know what it was. It might have been write this song.”
6. Eurovision host: "It's really interesting to see people's emotions when they win." Graham: "It's not that interesting though, is it?"
7. “They’re dressed like posh hospital workers from the future.”
8. “Her outfit does involve some roadkill. I fear some Georgian crows were harmed in the making of this act.”
9. “She’s got that pan scourer thing in her hair.”
10. “Oh, Miriam, you’re hilarious.”
11. “Well, I’m not sure how that worked as a television spectacle."
12. "I think the man at the smoke machine nodded off at the beginning of that."
13. “Her name was unpronounceable so she decided to go by her nickname, which is Boggie. She could have called herself anything. Trixie-bell, Floo-Floo, but no. Boggie.”
14. “That, if not the winner, is certainly top three.”
15. “You still there? It’s over. It really is over!”
16. “Huh? She’s pulled.”
17. “Sweaty and smiley.”
18. “And it is quite a good song, but you won’t notice because you’ll be distracted by the…oh, let’s call them dancers.”
19. “Oh, and Australia.”
20. “Now we enter the 'awkward chat’ portion of the evening."
21. "Well that awkward chat's over... so let's start another one!"
22. “Well, already this is a great night for him. He’s actually made it through the semi-final. Which doesn’t happen much. Eight attempts, they’ve got through twice.”
23. "It’s obviously dress-down Saturday in Denmark."
Graham, your sass has been duly noted.
Graph showing amount of time Graham Norton has been on air and amount of sass Graham Norton delivers #eurovision2015