J-LIS BABY! You’re super intense, always thinking about deadlines, and are constantly on the prowl for the next big story, even though you’re “just” writing for your college newspaper. You’re basically addicted to checking your email and Twitter, and you will not hesitate to correct everyone’s grammar. You also get frustrated at how slow everyone else seems to be moving on campus. And when Saturday night comes? You don’t get drunk, you get CRAZY drunk, because you don’t do anything halfway.
You are OBSESSED with social media, especially #hashtags. You’re 99% sure you could NOT live without your Starbucks lattes and your leggings. No one, NO ONE is better at picking a filter for Instagram pictures than you. But most of all, you love the sound of your own voice — you always have something to say about everything, and everyone NEEDS to hear your opinion, even if they don’t want to hear it.
Drama doesn’t stay on the stage for you, it permeates every corner of your life. You LIVE for the drama. Dark clothing and scarves are probably your ~thing~ when it comes to fashion, and you always, always hang out exclusively with your gaggle of theater friends. People who took theater classes to “get an easy A” were and forever will be the bane of your existence.
You were BORN to wear a suit and tie and tote around a suitcase, even if you don’t really have anything to carry in it during your college years. You’re a shark in the ocean that is college, and you LIVE for group projects — and may even get a little *too* passionate for them. Sure, a business major isn’t the most exciting degree you can study for, but you’re about the dollars, not the diploma, right?
Yeah, numbers are totally your thing. On the spectrum of college majors, you’re probably the one who is most prepared for the real world, because you have your shit together. After, all, you were always the go-to for your fellow students when they needed any sort of help with any class. It’s just assumed that if you’re an accounting major, you’re smart as shit. Your math is a language all its own and literally no one else gets it, which is a small consolation for having one of the least sexy majors.
At this point, you’re almost as good as explaining to people what you plan to do with an English major as you are at reading copious amounts of dense literature every evening. You don’t care, you just fucking love English. And to be honest, you revel in the agony that is being an English major. Oh, and you DEFINITELY have a strong opinion on the Oxford comma, and hate it when people think all you do is read Shakespeare.
7. Computer Science
OK, so you’re a bit of a dork, and know WAY more about computers than you should, but one day you’ll be laughing your way to the bank. That being said, you’re tired of EVERYONE coming to you with their computer problems. I mean, it’s 2014. Is it really *THAT* hard to operate a Mac. Whatever, you just have to adjust your dorky glasses and pocket protector and grin and bear it.
You pretty much operate in a bubble with the other engineers, working on problem sets and other #EngineerProblems, right? And socializing is pretty much out of the question because you are studying. People may give you shit for your major of choice, but you’ll have the last laugh when you land a job right after graduation. HAHA.
OK, so “pre-med” isn’t technically a major, but you probably majored in something crazy hard along the lines of biology or chemistry. And the weirdest part is that you ENJOYED it, but in the way runners enjoy the agony of running of a marathon. Fifty percent of your conversations revolved around complaining or stressing about orgo. And to be honest, hearing that word makes you wanna cry. And your nightmares all revolve around the MCAT and getting into med school.
Again, not a major but a track, but still. If you were paid a penny every time someone asks you about law school, you would have a shit-ton of pennies. People loooooove to give you statistics about the number of people who go to law school vs. the number of people with jobs. And guess what? You don’t give a shit. You’ll argue until you win. LSAT = Losing your Shit All the Time.
11. Political Science
You wanted to be a liberal arts major, but without the hassle of say, majoring in philosophy or English, so you decided you would give poli sci a try. That being said, you are the BEST at bullshitting. A 14-page paper? K, give you an hour and it’s done. And damn do you loooooove debates.
You printed out more paper than any other student group on your entire campus. You’re tired of people asking you if you majored in education to get the summers off. TEACHERS DON’T ACTUALLY GET THE SUMMERS OFF, DUMMIES. That being said, you plan on joining one of the most honorable professions in the world, but you’re so down-to-earth, there is no way you could REALLY brag about it.
You go on more research trips than any other student and are always uploading pictures from some archaeological dig in South America you went on over spring break. No one knows exactly what you’re going to do with your life including yourself, but it’s definitely going to involve research and grant funding, and of course, your trusted pair of Tevas.
You’re the go-to listener of your friend group, but you’re really not just listening, you’re analyzing. That’s because to you, people aren’t just living things but puzzles to be solved. You love to explain why people are the way they are, like why Katie drinks a lot or why John hasn’t been himself lately. And most of all, you love to be the arbitrator in disputes among your friend group.
15. Athletic Training
You get to wear sweatpants now and for the rest of your life. You are THE go-to taping person for the sports teams and usually have to stand on the sideline for the games, if you aren’t an athlete to begin with. In addition to issued gear, you probably wear a headband and ponytail if you’re a girl and love to get “swole” if you’re a guy. That’s because your body is a TEMPLE.
Your college career can be summed up in one word: stress. Nursing school is HARD. Also, it drives you insane when your friends and family ask why you don’t just want to be a doctor, as if you need to justify your career choice or something. You don’t get enough respect, and this bothers you most when you’re driving to clinicals at 4 in the morning.
Well first of all, your memory is OUTSTANDING. You carry a ton of books around in your backpack for some “light reading” and begin worrying about your senior thesis the minute you set foot on campus as a freshman. You can perform citations and write an annotated bibliography in your sleep, and of course you have very strong opinions on footnotes vs. endnotes.
While your friends are looking forward to the next Transformers film, you’re more interested in the next Lars von Trier flick. You are accustomed to casting friends or family because your budget is nonexistent. And you can’t even COUNT the number of hours you have spent waiting for your editing software to do what you want it to. Also, you refer to movies as “films.”
You’re like, into crops and cows and shit, right? People LOVE to make fun of your major or ask if that is what you are *really* studying. But you’ll defend it to the death, because more so than many students, it’s an intrinsic part of who you are. You also probably love wearing boots — not the fancy kind — and old jeans.
You definitely feel like you have some ~deep~ questions about life, and are an old soul. You love to PRETEND like you “get” Nietzsche and Plato, but really, you just enjoy being a smartass. While your peers are off doing keg stands and playing flip cup, you are looking to solve existential questions.
22. Foreign Language
WE GET IT, you can speak a foreign language. That doesn’t mean you have to speak in tongues with your friends at the dining hall tables. You definitely are ALL about studying abroad, and wish you lived somewhere else than the United States. DEAL WITH IT.
One of your favorite things to do is buy shots for your friends at the local bar because, like, you’re a finance major and that’s a thing you do. You laugh at liberal arts majors because you know you’re on the way to the BANK. A favorite topic of conversation with other finance douchebags is who is interviewing and interning where.
You don’t know what sleep is and have this weird, inexplicable bond with other “arkies.” You’re really good at drawing and your veins course with various forms of caffeine. Most of your day (and night) is spent hunched over a drawing board, and you have a weird affinity for shopping for sketching supplies.
You probably tote around the Wall Street Journal to class and enjoy a cup of hot black coffee. Also, you’re, like, way more into stocks and shit and know how to handle your ~money~ way better than your peers. You have a weird relationship with business majors, and think they took the easy way out.
You’re uber creative and super trendy, right? Maybe even a hipster, though you would never admit it because, like, hipsters NEVER say they are hipsters. Also, you’re probably really into drinking wine. And most of the time, you’re probably freaking about your creative project.
You probably wear a lot of turtlenecks, carry around an instrument, and are always humming, harmonizing, and singing around campus. People always question your major, but you do it for the love of the game (or the music). You can’t attend a college party without analyzing and theorizing the music playing in the background, even if it’s the newest Nicki Minaj track, and that drives your friends insane, but who cares? It’s you against the music, after all.
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