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Because what else are you supposed to drink cheap beer out of?
Basically all you need for a balanced diet.
Which you'd get around to taking out ... months later.
For those 8 a.m. classes ...
If you ever felt a cold coming on, this certainly did the trick.
To play beer pong with, obviously.
Which you pressed, without fail, every single day.
To study for an exam, or write a paper, or study for finals, or socialize with friends...
AKA dinner.
The greatest piece of furniture ever invented. A couch AND A BED.
To store your alcohol and hide it from your R.A.
Because you procrastinated.
You were SEXILED.
SCHOOL SPIRIT since you're paying thousands of dollars to attend.
And never actually making it to the game.
And calling people with no relation to you your brothers and sisters.
And your arms being tired from holding someone up.
And NEVER actually being able to get it out without your hand.
Because your parents felt sorry for you.
Class was so ExHaUsTiNg.
Because who actually DRESSES UP for class? AMIRITE??