1. You always know where the closest bathroom is.
It’s your No. 1 priority.
2. Because being stuck somewhere without a bathroom is actually your worst nightmare.
3. But then again, so are port-a-potties.
OH GOD, THE HORROR.
4. You carry Pepto-Bismol around with you at all times.
Because you never know when you need to take a shot.
5. You’ve been to see a gastroenterologist more times than you’d like to admit.
And they’re all like, “LOL, sorry, there’s no cure.”
6. Your stomach has its own tribal mating call.
And it makes it…a lot.
7. You know the struggle of wanting to eat something, but knowing if you do your insides will explode.
Miss you milkshakes. :/
8. And part of you feels like crying when you see a long waiting line for the bathroom.
WHY GOD, WHY????
9. You had to get a colonoscopy/endoscopy before you were 40.
10. Anything fried or spicy is your enemy.
11. You can only drink coffee if you know there’s a bathroom within 5 feet of you.
12. And you have to be really careful what you eat on dates.
14. You’re often bloated to the point of looking pregnant.
And it’s cool because you didn’t wanna wear jeans anyway!! JK.
15. And you know the dilemma of eating one meal, not getting sick, then eating it again and instantly dying.
16. When you try to explain it, people will ask, “Oh, so you poop a lot?”
17. You’ve had doctors give you advice like, “LOL just eat more fruits and vegetables.”
And you’re like, “LOL, I WILL KILL YOU.”
19. And you know that when searching for housing or a place to stay, the bathroom is the MOST important part.
20. If your stomach makes a single noise you’re immediately filled with anxiety.
OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING.
21. Some people are like, “I’m so tired from staying out too late.” And you’re all like, “Yeah I’m tired because I was in the bathroom all night.”
23. And you’ve tried basically every probiotic on the market.
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