I like food. You like food. We all like food. But it's time we talk about some of the best food. The time has come for us as a nation to stand up and recognize one of this century's greatest treasures: Olive Garden.
"What's that?" the haters say. "It's not even real Italian food?" Who cares? Let's go over the reasons we love this place.
As you walk up to the entrance you are greeted with lovely (possibly fake) stone to make you feel like you're in the middle of Italy, even though you're next to a strip mall.
And then as soon as you sit down, they greet you with a BASKET full of PIPING HOT breadsticks. This is what dreams are made of.
And they bake a fresh batch EVERY 15 MINUTES!!!
Like, even if that was all they gave you, it would STILL be enough.
But it isn't all they give you! It isn't! Because they then proceed to give you a HUGE BOWL full of delicious salad.
If that isn't enough, the kind waiter then begins to grate cheese onto your salad until you tell them "when."
Worried about washing all that cheese down your throat? At Olive Garden, you never are because they don't fuck around with their drinks.
But it doesn't stop there. It keeps going. You can then order pretty much any kind of pasta you have ever wanted.
YES, PRETTY MUCH ANY KIND. Is your stomach growling?
When we reach heaven's gates, we will be met with stretchy cheese from Olive Garden's kitchen.
If that isn't enough to make your mouth water...DON'T WORRY! Remember that they also offer soups that will make you wanna throw your pants away.
If you somehow still have room for dessert after all of that, you are not only a hero but you are also in for a treat of delectable sweets.
And when it's all said and done, they bless you with an Andes mint like they didn't just give you a religious experience.
Even Apple knows how important this restaurant is.
So next time someone suggests going out to eat at a restaurant that ISN'T Olive Garden...it's OK to get dramatic.
Because quite frankly, Olive Garden is the best. Period.
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