1. I'm not ready.
2. I'm not worthy
3. Khloe nailed the perfect ombre.
4. Literally like who does her hair?
5. French Montana is a very fun name to say.
6. Should have been French Montana for Halloween.
7. Is it legal to change your name to that of a very famous celebrity?
8. Asking for a friend.
9. Where is Kanye West?
10. Bruce Jenner has nice sunglasses.
11. KRIS JENNER HAS A COOKBOOK.
12. KRIS JENNER HAS A COOKBOOK.
13. I hope Kim brings back the blood facial.
14. Wait, I blacked out..whose house is this?
15. KHLOE GOT SHOES FOR DAYS.
16. KHLOE'S SHOES HAVE SHOES.
17. Khloe also has flawless skin.
18. Does she use dove soap?
19. Doesn't Khloe have a dog?
20. Maybe I made that up in my mind.
21. I wonder if I'd be a good dog walker.
22. I anticipate that the next scene will open with Chris Martin and Kanye West performing "Homecoming" for Kim.
23. 99% sure the Kardashians would accept me for many reasons.
24. The first reason being that my first name starts with K!!
25. Kylie Jenner is 17 and could pay my student loans 47,000 times over.
26. Now I'm depressed.
27. Kourtney Kardashian is speaking.
28. I'm no longer depressed.
29. Everyone has a Kourtney in his or her life.
30. We live richer lives because of that fact.
31. DOES TAYLOR SWIFT WATCH KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS?
32. Taylor Swift's cat, Dr. Meredith Grey, kind of seems like a mean meower.
33. I'm going to ask Taylor Swift if she watches this show.
34. Kim Kardashian is attempting to make a pun about her mom having sex.
35. Her sister is emoji-of-girl-with-crossed-arms-not-having-any-of-it.
36. My phone autocorrects Kardashian to KARDASHIAN.
37. It does the same thing with GURL and RIHANNA.
38. Rihanna over everything.
39. Kim Kardashian just took us to church.
40. Kim Kardashian just said she has sex 500 times a day.
41. I have so many math questions.
42. Also, me too, Kim Kardashian.
43. Except, I don't.
44. I really don't know what else to say about that.
45. It just kind of stands for itself.
46. How are either Kim Kardashian or Kanye West able to stand?
47. Love. Prayers. Well wishes. Cotton Candy.
48. And respect.
49. Brody Jenner..I remember you.
50. You kissed Lauren Conrad by the window.
51. Then you kissed Jen Bunney.
53. Kim Kardashian said she wants North West to have siblings.
54. That's sweet.
55. North West rules all.
56. North West really has her life together.
57. The Jenner boys want to throw a "Bruce on the Loose" party.
58. This for some reason makes me think of George of the Jungle.
59. I'm also thinking of that movie Jungle 2 Jungle now.
60. Such a good movie.
61. OH THE PREVIEWS, OH THE PREVIEWS FOR THE WHOLE SEASON!!
63. Kendall really did kill her blue hair.
64. I have so much respect.
65. Like if I had blue hair, my mom would shave my head in the middle of the night.
66. And she'd be doing me a favor, you know?
67. Cause I couldn't pull it off.
68. Kim threw Kourtney a baby shower, and the cake is Tiffany blue.
69. I feel like that's a rich people thing. Tiffany blue things, I mean.
70. Scott is giving Kourtney the biggest "LOL SURE" look.
71. Be still my heart...
72. ...they're having a Dash Retreat.
73. I remember the episode where they took the Dash employees out.
74. If Khloe Kardashian was my boss, I would hancuff myself to her ankles.
75. That is how funny/great I find Khloe Kardashian.
76. THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF THEFT AT THE STORE??!?!
77. "No Kim, I don't know how these $700 assless jean shorts got into my crossbody bag from Forever 21. "
78. Kim Kardashian is sitting in front of nine security cameras like Paul Blart, Mall Cop.
79. KRIS JENNER GOT A MAN NAMED COREY.
80. KHLOE SAYS HE'S YOUNGER THAN KIM AND KOURTNEY.
81. KIM THINKS SHE HEARD HER MOM MOANING.
83. Kim said "Let me see if you guys are going to be in my video game..."
84. LET! ME! SEE!
85. I'm crying.
86. I couldn't bring myself spiritually to play Kim Kardashian: Hollywood.
87. I'm afraid I'd never leave my house again.
88. Kris Jenner's blanket legit looks like a family of wolves.
89. Kim Kardashian also has flawless mascara.
90. Whenever the show gets legitimately invasive, I feel bad.
91. I always forget that Ryan Seacrest produces this show.
92. I don't think Ryan Seacrest sleeps.
93. I think he is a robot.
94. A robot I respect and admire.
95. (does hand-robot motion) "I am Robot Ryan"
96. Remember when Kim Kardashian was in a Fall Out Boy music video?
97. I think she kisses Pete Wentz.
98. And some wild animal.
99. Does Kim Kardashian have a perfume?
100. That's definitely a stupid question.
101. E! NEWS IS ON AND KIM KARDASHIAN IS A BLONDE.