1. That mom is weird.
2. That dad is really weird.
3. That dad is totally full of it when he says that he supported gay marriage this entire time.
4. That dad is totally full of it when he says that he was against the war in Iraq this entire time.
5. That you both love dad anyway, even though he is a total pain to birthday shop for.
6. That dad is totally full of it when he says he just wants socks. He does NOT want socks.
7. That you are weird, and that it isn’t your fault.
8. That if some random family member ever talks smack about you, it. is. not. OK.
9. That if some random person on the internet ever talks smack about you, it. IS. NOT. OK.
10. That going after the people who hurt you with a few fightin’ words is ALWAYS OK.
11. That you love each other, even if you don’t talk a lot.
12. That you love each other, even if you hate each other.
13. That “borrowing” each other’s stuff can be both completely acceptable and punishable by death.
14. That you love each other, even if you hate their significant other.
15. That anyone making fun of your looks is going to get the crap kicked out of them…up to and including your sibling.
16. That crying at Frozen is both ridiculous and necessary.
17. That one neighbor kid was a dick. Seriously.
18. That the reason why your favorite color is pink or purple and their favorite color is blue or green is because those were the colors your parents “assigned” to you whenever they were giving you two of the same thing, and now it’s programmed into your brains.
19. That your drunk texts are always incredibly hilarious.
20. Your poop jokes.
21. Your snort laughter at poop jokes.
22. That your snort laugh is totally your mom’s snort laugh.
23. What kind of wine or beer you drink.
24. That the best way to get through the holidays is for you both to unite in the face of a common enemy, preferably a racist uncle or a cousin who still pops his collars even though he is 37.
25. That they are the only people on Earth who will be honest about whether or not a piece of clothing looks bad on you, and you will not only be able to believe them, but you also won’t take it personally, because it’s not like they don’t have your mom’s butt or your dad’s shoulder too.
26. That mom was totally in the wrong about that one thing.
27. That sometimes you act just like dad.
28. That sometimes you act just like mom, oh god.
29. That you both can obsess about family gossip and drama the same way that other people might obsess about celebrity gossip and drama.
30. That getting to talk shit about your parents over the annoying things they’ve done to you — and knowing that your sibling will understand — is basically like heroin.
31. That you or your siblings may or may not have definitely choreographed a dance to a boy band song when you were kids, and that you will never be speaking of it again.
32. How lame your high school was/is/always will be.
33. That you don’t see each other enough.
34. How annoying it is that high cholesterol/heart disease/diabetes/general insanity runs in your family.
35. How scared you are that one of those things might happen to you, someday.
36. That there will come a day when you will both need to make tough decisions about your parents’ healthcare and lives, and you will both ugly cry, and you will fight about something dumb like who visited who in the hospital more, and it will be embarrassing and childish and nurses will rolls their eyes at you both behind your backs, but it will be OK. You will share a slice of cold pizza, and it will be OK.
37. That at one point or another, you both have thought the other was the “smart” one.
38. That if they don’t like your significant other it’s because they think you could do so much better.
39. That the only reason why you might carry a small grudge about some stupid thing that your sibling did years ago is because everything they do matters 10 times as much as anything anyone else does.
40. That you wish it were possible to hug over the phone.
41. That you will never stop copying each other.
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