back to top

Ranking The Avengers As Potential Prom Dates

PROM SQUAD, ASSEMBLE.

Posted on

11. War Machine: 1 out of 6 Infinity Gems

Marvel / Century Novelty / Formal Tailer / Via centurynovelty.com / formaltailor.co.uk

Pros:

-- Your parents trust him way more than that Iron Man kid.

Cons:

-- Good chance he might tattle on you for sneaking booze into prom.

-- Excellent chance he will spend the majority of the dance insisting that everyone keep a safe distance from his suit, repeatedly mentioning that he is "not a toy, guys, OK? Stop. Stop, or I'm telling the principal."

Overall: War Machine is an excellent Avenger, but probably too concerned with following authority to be all that much fun as a prom date.

10. Vision: 1.5 out of 6 Infinity Gems

Marvel / Thinkstock / Macy's / Via www1.macys.com

Pros:

-- Will pick you up on time.

-- Will probably do the robot if you ask him nicely and it seems like something that will make you happy.

Cons:

-- Everything he knows about prom will have come from TV, movies, and Wikihow.

-- Is likely a better dancer than you.

Overall: Vision is a very nice boy, and exactly what your parents were hoping for your prom date, but sometimes you need a prom date who can sweep you off your feet without having to do a major database search about it.

9. Quicksilver: 2 out of 6 Infinity Gems

Marvel / Thinkstock / Via ties.com

Pros:

-- You won't have to worry about him being too slow to buy his prom tickets, and order his tux and corsage.

Cons:

-- Will probably get very impatient riding in the limo.

-- Too fast of a dancer to not step on everyone's toes.

-- Will start a fight with you when he insists on his sister being included in your formal prom pictures.

Overall: Save yourself some time, and just tell him to take his sister to prom, it's what he really wants to do, anyway.

8. Scarlet Witch: 2.5 out of 6 Infinity Gems

Marvel / Eljos / Via eljos.com

Pros:

-- If your prom theme is terrible, she can conjure you up a new one.

-- Could manipulate all the chaperones into leaving.

Cons:

-- Will spend most of the prom complaining about her brother's prom date.

-- If Tony Stark so much as shows his face, she. is. leaving.

Overall: Definitely should be a part of your prom squad, but maybe not as your date. Definitely try to talk her into taking her brother as a friend.

7. The Hulk: 3 out of 6 Infinity Gems

Marvel / Via weloveties.com

Pros:

-- You both would definitely be crowned Prom King and Queen.

Cons:

-- You both would be crowned Prom King and Queen because you'd win by default after your date destroys the school.

Overall: While you school would get destroyed, Bruce Banner would probably make you a really nice dinner afterwards to make up for it.

6. Hawkeye: 3.5 out of 6 Infinity Gems

Marvel / Via ties.com / sixstaruniforms.com

Pros:

-- Is totally willing to spend your entire prom just making fun of the prom.

-- Would rather have a private dance party for two up in the gym's rafters than on the dance floor.

Cons:

-- Most likely to have a girlfriend you he didn't tell you about until halfway through the dance because he "didn't think it'd be an issue."

Overall: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US ABOUT YOUR SECRET GIRLFRIEND, HAWKEYE?

5. Iron Man: 4 out of 6 Infinity Gems

Marvel / Thinkstock

Pros:

-- His promposal is likely to involve all the celebrities to whom he is owed a favor.

-- Would offer to coordinate the limo.

-- Would forget to coordinate the limo, would instead decide to fly you into prom on his back.

Cons:

-- Will probably forget that you are his date roughly an hour into the dance.

-- Most likely to accidentally set fire to something.

Overall: Iron Man would most certainly be the life of the party, but you might be stuck photoshopping him into your official prom pictures later on.

4. Thor: 4.5 out of 6 Infinity Gems

Marvel / Via amazon.com

Pros:

-- Already comes standard with formal wear.

-- Is well-spoken enough where he will have no trouble talking the English teacher chaperone to overlook the flagon of booze he is smuggling in.

Cons:

-- Is always one energetic dance move away from shorting out the sound system with Mjolnir.

-- Most likely to get caught flipping a table by the principal.

Overall: You will have a beautiful evening at the prom, even if it lasts only 15 minutes before Thor gets your entire squad kicked out.

3. Captain America: 5 out of 6 Infinity Gems

Marvel / Thinkstock

Pros:

-- Is a good enough guy where he could probably convince your parents to let you go to your friend's after-party at her step-dad's lake house.

-- Excellent way to exact revenge on haters.

Cons:

-- Would figure out mid-way through "Anaconda" that the song isn't what he thinks it is about, would spend the rest of the dance hiding in the corner from second-hand embarrassment.

-- To that point, you would probably have to explain to him what "Truffle Butter" is, and do you really want to be the person who ruined Captain America's innocence for good?

Overall: While he'll look great in the pictures, Cap's likely unwillingness to dance to any songs written after 1950 is a waste of a perfectly good butt, keeping him out of the highest tier of dates.

2. Falcon: 5.5 out of 6 Infinity Gems

Marvel / Thinkstock / Via amazon.com

Pros:

-- All the flying power of Iron Man, none of the emotional baggage.

-- A butt made for dancing.

Cons:

-- Could potentially leave you mid-prom for Captain America-related reasons.

Overall: One of the best dates for sure, and unless Captain America somehow ALSO gets invited to your prom, you're probably fine. Also did I mention that he can fly? Shouldn't that be an automatic yes? Do you want to stuck in the limo line in front of the Olive Garden on prom night, or something?

1. Black Widow: 6 out of 6 Infinity Gems

Marvel / Thinkstock / Village Hat Shop / Via villagehatshop.com

Pros:

-- Would probably be able to sneak you both in without having to buy tickets.

-- Is good at everything, from dancing to cutting the line at the photo booth to sneaking in booze.

-- Lacks fucks to give.

Cons:

-- Might be too busy working to really enjoy prom.

-- Coordinating outfits would be pointless, as hers would definitely be better.

-- No guarantee that she would even agree to go with your boring ass in the first place.

Overall: With her awesome set of skills and inability to let minor annoyances get in the way of her mission to have a good time, Black Widow would actually be a perfect prom date. Her only downside? She can probably do better than you.

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

Dismiss