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    I've Never Seen A Horror Movie, So I Watched "Us" Because The Internet Said It Was The Best Horror Film

    I feel _untethered_.

    I'm the kind of person who spends most of October hitting mute at record-breaking speeds whenever an ad for a horror movie comes on.

    Cartoon Hangover / Via GIPHY

    I've considered changed my age to 11 on YouTube in hopes of avoiding the commercials.

    I've never seen a scary movie, but a lot of them sound interesting to me.

    Paramount / Via Getty

    So far, the closest thing I've seen to a scary movie is Heathers, and TBH that's just because I'm obsessed with the Heathers: The Musical soundtrack (the West End version is superior, change my mind).

    I'm getting a little tired of watching moves like Clueless over and over again, so I decided to finally take the plunge and watch the top rated horror movie on Rotten Tomatoes: Us.

    Marvel / Via GIPHY

    With a 93 percent rating, Jordan Peele's 2019 film is at the very pinnacle of the site's Top 100 Horror Movies list.

    My main fear going into this is that it will give me nightmares, so then I'll wake up and start watching TikTok to distract myself, and then the Screen Time Management guy will have to come to my house personally to make sure I'm okay.

    TikTok tips says those videos will still be there tomorrow
    @tiktoktips / Via vm.tiktok.com

    I mean, I had to stop watching Jessica Jones right as it was getting good because I was having nightmares about David Tennant, who played the villain Kilgrave. I don't have a deep emotional attachment to the Us actors that remotely compares with my Doctor Who obsession, though, so I should be okay.

    So, with a Venti-sized homemade iced coffee already making me a lil anxious, I dove right in.

    NBC / Via GIPHY

    WARNING! There will be SPOILERS AHEAD.

    It opens with some background information about the abandoned tunnel systems in America.

    There are thousands of miles of tunnels beneath the continental United States
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Okay, it's like that one episode of Sherlock about the mysteriously abandoned Tube stations.

    Now we're getting another history lesson. Hands Across America? What is that? The only time I've heard of it is when Ms. Fleming mentions it during "Shine a Light" in Heathers: The Musical.

    An ad for Hands Across America plays on a vintahe TV
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    *I looked it up afterwards, and, for my fellow unaware Millennial/Gen Z cuspers, it was a fundraiser in 1986 where people formed a human chain across the US, which I guess is kind of obvious after watching the movie. However, the idea of people forming a human chain across the country seems like something out of a horror movie anyway.

    It's 1986, and we're at the Santa Monica Pier.

    A young Adeline and her parents play a carnival game
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    I really wish I was at Pixar Pier in Disney California Adventure now.

    I'm already proud of myself for how far into the movie I am. I didn't make it past the opening credits of Midsommar.

    This isn't Disneyland anymore. Adelaide just walked away from her parents to explore the Vision Quest funhouse.

    Addy walks into a far-off- creepy-looking building
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Also, that candy apple drop is such a great visual metaphor. Like, I know she won't be the same innocent little kid anymore.

    Addy hears someone calling for her. It's like the voice Elsa followed in Frozen 2.

    Disney / Via GIPHY

    Okay I swear I'm done with the Disney references.

    She finds out that her "reflection" is actually another little girl who looks exactly like her, but TBH it didn't catch me off guard. Maybe, because I have an identical twin, this just feels normal to me.

    Addy's reflection doesn't turn when she does
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    As it fades into the title card, we see bunnies! They're so cute!

    A wall of caged rabbits
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Do you think I can convince my roommates to get a house rabbit?

    Now in the present day, we see that Addy has grown up to become part of a "stick figure family on the back of the car" type of family.

    Car window stickers depicting a mom, a dad, a son, and a daughter
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    They're visiting the summer house she inherited after her mother's death. It's in Santa Cruz, the same place she saw the girl who looked like her so many years ago. Addy is accompanied by her husband Gabe and their two kids, Jason and Zora.

    Who's hiding under the cabinet?

    It's not a monster
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Jason, don't scare me like that.

    Gabe, oblivious to the mounting suspense, makes everyone come outside to see his new boat, the Craw Daddy.

    Gabe got a dingy little old boat
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    LOL.

    I feel like I'm being lulled into a false sense of security with all the pretty sets and fun music and Gabe's obsession with that boat.

    Addy and Kitty watch the kids play at the beach
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    They seem relatively safe with their friends at the beach in Santa Cruz, except for the whole Jason-seeing-a-dead-dude thing.

    Now they're home, and the creepy look-a-like is outside with her creepy look-a-like family.

    Creepy doppelgangers for Addy, Jason, Zora, and Gabe
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Gabe goes to confront them because he has ZERO survival instincts.

    Okay now I'm really starting to worry about how I'm gonna sleep tonight. The doppelgangers are in the house. That mask boy is going to be in my nightmares. I had to watch all of his scenes like this.

    I held my hand over the part of the screen the scary boy was on
    Kristen Harris / BuzzFeed

    Her voice sounds painful. Someone should make her a cup of tea.

    Addy's creepy look-a-like
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    I'm a little bored at this point. I want more of Gabe and the Craw Daddy. I mean, you can't just give us something named the Craw Daddy and expect us to forget.

    The scary Addy reminds me of Jade from Victorious. Does anyone else remember her weird obsession with scissors? What was that about?

    Nickelodeon / Via GIPHY, Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    This definitely feels like the kind of horror movie she would've made.

    The Untethering! That's why they all have scissors.

    Addy and her shadow are connected by an invisible string
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Freaky Addy explains that she's basically a shadow tethered to the Addy we know. So she's forced to mimic every move Addy makes. Now she wants to break away and untether herself.

    Shadow-Abby unleashes her Tethered family to attack their real-world counterparts.

    Jason, Zora, and Gabe are tormented by their evil doppelgangers
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    I like how it alternates between each set of characters but doesn't cut too quickly. The pacing is just *chef's kiss.*

    Craw Daddy to the rescue! They're getting out of here.

    Gabe helps his family escape on the boat
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Meanwhile, their friends Josh and Kitty from the beach meet their own evil doppelgangers.

    The evil twins of Josh, Kitty, and their twin daughters come into their house to attack them
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    An ~intense~ scene set to the Beach Boys? Not only is Jordan Peele a directing genius, but he's a comedic genius as well.

    Let's be real, the true horror here is Shadow-Josh's choice of footwear.

    Josh's evil counterpart is wearing weird strappy sandals
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Can he even run in those?

    This is getting kinda scary again. Ophelia, play "You Need To Calm Down" by Taylor Swift.

    The smart speaker is covered in blood
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Addy's family arrives at their friends' house for safety, but they find the other family murdered instead. The Tethered family attacks Addy, but Zora and Jason work together to take them down.

    Jason hits Shadow-Kitty over the head with a decoration
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    These kids are going to have one heck of a college application essay.

    So the Tethered are everywhere now? And they're doing Hands Across America?

    The Tethered are on the news holding hands in a straight line
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Really hoping 2020 isn't taking notes.

    Great thinking, Gabe.

    Gabe suggests making traps like in Home Alone
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Before he has much of a chance to defend his point in the great Home Alone vs. running away to Mexico debate, the Tethered descend upon the house.

    Addy used the scissors! Does this mean she's going to start acting like one of the shadow people now?

    Addy holds the scissors over the doppelganger she just killed
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Thanks to her quick thinking, the whole family makes it out to Josh's car. However, it isn't long before they come face-to-face with the rest of their evil twins.

    Shadow Jason is back, and he's snapping! Is this about to turn into West Side Story?

    Addy gets out of the car to confront him
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    To be fair, the Tethered do have a very Sharks vs. Jets mentality.

    NOOOO JASON!!!

    Shadow Addy grabs Jason
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    While Shadow Jason keeps Real Addy distracted, Shadow Addy sneaks up and snatches Real Jason.

    The Tethered chain leads Addy right back to where it all began.

    They're lined up on Santa Cruz beach
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    She returns to Vision Quest, where she first met her other self.

    BUNNY.

    Addy finds a rabbit in the tunnel under Vision Quest
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    I know I promised no more Disney references, but has Addy seen Alice in Wonderland? Bad things happen when you follow the white rabbit down the tunnel!

    Then there was US.

    Young Shadow Addy stares at a Hands Across America shirt
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Shadow Addy reveals that there's something different about the two of them. After they met, the Tethered noticed, and decided to exploit it in order to untether themselves.

    Addy, being the absolute queen that she is, overcomes her demons (quite literally), putting an end to the Tethered and saving Jason.

    Addy returns to the ambulance where the rest of her family is hiding out
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Moral of the story? Moms will save the world.

    She even got Jason a pet bunny!

    Jason holds the cutest little rabbit
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    I'm low-key jealous.

    Now Addy and her family can all live happily ever after, right?

    The family is hopefully driving back to the summer house for a well-deserved vacation
    Universal PIctures / Via HBO

    RIGHT???

    Wait, why aren't the credits rolling?

    Addy stares off into the distance, remembering
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Wait, the Tethered dragged her down there as a little girl???

    Shadow Addy drags an unconscious Addy into the tunnels
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    Our Addy has actually been Shadow Addy THE ENTIRE TIME????

    Young Addy and current Addy make the same creepy smile
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    And now JASON might be one???

    Jason and Addy stare at each other like the Tethered
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    UGH THE TETHERED ARE STILL OUT THERE WITH THEIR CREEPY KUMBAYA.

    The Tethered doing Hands Across America across an open field
    Universal Pictures / Via HBO

    The credits are rolling, and I'm shaking a bit.

    Disney / Via GIPHY

    I'm actually shaking a LOT.

    Okay, final thoughts:

    NBC / Via GIPHY

    How the heck have I spent 23 years avoiding this genre? This movie is so good. It's so nuanced, too, and there's probably a whole lot that I missed. Consider me an official member of the Jordan Peele fan club. I definitely want to watch Get Out, like, right now.

    I was not as scared as I expected to be.

    It probably would've felt much scarier if I'd watched it in a dark theater rather than my bright pink bedroom with flowers everywhere at 11 in the morning. I think I'll still be avoiding slasher films for the foreseeable future, though.

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