Sorry To Break It To You Husbands, But Wives Do Some Pretty Fucked Up Things Behind Your Backs

Just don't say we told you.

1. We've definitely compared ourselves to your ex.

tenor.com

On a good day, we know we were the superior choice. But on a bad day, well, just because we're married doesn't mean we still don't get insecure sometimes.

2. We've also secretly kept up with what our ex is up to via social media.

CW

It's not like we EVER want to get back with them, it's just sheer curiosity. And we like to validate our choices.

3. We've totally bought something and hidden it from you.

Touchstone

Whether we had to hide the receipts, the shopping bags, or the actual item, we did whatever it took to make sure you didn't suspect a thing.

4. We've pretended to like a horrible gift you got us because, marriage.

Jive

But TBH, it's not always the thought that counts.

5. We've definitely faked a headache or cramps to get out of sex.

CW

Truth is, sometimes we're just too damn tired.

6. And while we're on the subject, we've definitely faked "it" on occasion, too.

Fox

You're good, but even Thor has his off days.

7. We've pretended to like that friend, family member, or co-worker of yours that we can't fucking stand.

MTV

We should really get an award for this one.

8. And from time to time, we've used your razor to shave our legs.

CW

What's yours is ours, yes?

9. We've told you we were having a "girls' night in" when in reality it was a "girls' night out."

HBO

And it was lit AF.

10. And we've come home drunk as hell once or twice and told you we only had a drink or two.

youtube.com

We only think we can play it off well.😉

11. We've bought snacks and hidden them from you.

Buzzfeed

We know it's ruthless, but such is life.

12. We've asked for your opinion between two outfits even though we already picked the one we want in our head.

Warner Bros.

Really, we are just looking for validation. And, honestly, sometimes your opinion is wrong.

13. We've taken casual glances at your texts, emails, or social media accounts and maybe made a few adjustments.

Bravo

We're always looking out for your best interest.

14. We've definitely said nothing is wrong when we are clearly pissed.

Bravo

But come on, you should know better by now.

15. And we've thrown away an ugly AF piece of your clothing because we just couldn't take it anymore.

Bravo

Look, someone had to do it.

16. We've totally had to dumb things down for you sometimes.

Disney

We've found simple sentences work best.

17. We've broke, lost, or damaged something of yours and blamed it on someone or something else.

VH1

18. And sorry – we've bitched about you behind your back to our besties...

TvLand

Wives need to vent, too.

19. ...but we've totally gushed about you more.

20th Century Fox

Because you're really the best husband ever.