1. Early in your pregnancy, you were so nauseous you threw up beside your partner, on your partner, or IMMEDIATELY after sex.
2. Sometimes all you can think about during sex is food – particularly whatever you're craving (oops, I mean what "the baby" is craving) in that moment.
3. Sex is very ~wet~ because you get sweaty after like ten seconds.
4. And you also may cry halfway through, because hormones.
5. If you're on top, your belly is so big, you might not even be able to see your partner's face.
6. If the baby starts kicking during sex, any arousal you had disappears and you are entranced by the little life inside you. (You'll probably stop your partner to feel the kicks and then the both of you will just lay there holding your belly.)
7. There's a lot of pressure from your baby, so you probably farted once or twice during an intimate moment.
8. If you decided to spice things up with sexy lingerie, you learned very quickly that was a bad idea after you couldn't get it off.
9. Certain position JUST SUCK, so you and your partner may decide mid-sex that TV and snacks is less work and more enjoyable.
10. When you change sexual positions, it's hard to enjoy the moment because in the back of your mind you're worried about hurting the baby.
11. Your partner is used to you being a hairy beast because you can't reach anything below your belly button.
12. Many times you don't want to have sex at all because you feel like a whale.
13. And some times you DGAF if you suffocate your partner or not because you have raging hormones and you want sex RIGHT. NOW.
14. Once you enter that last trimester, it's inevitable your partner is going to get squirted somewhere by your soon-to-be lactating breasts. (Arousal = leaky boobs)
15. And even still, your partner always makes the mistake of trying to suckle or squeeze your tots and winds up with a little taste.
16. If you're being ~penetrated~ your can't help but think about the baby getting poked in the face or coming out with a giant dent in their head.
17. Toward the end of pregnancy – if you're to term or past term – you don't have sex for pleasure. Sex is for one purpose and one purpose only: TO GET THE BABY OUT.