We Asked Moms What Sex Was Like After Birth And Here's What They Said

"My husband got squirted in the eye with my breast milk."

We recently asked moms from the BuzzFeed Community what sex was like after they gave birth. Below are their honest responses.

1. It's like losing your virginity all over again.

CW

I had a second degree tear with both of my deliveries and had to be sewn back up. It basically felt like I was a virgin again and it was painful. Go slow!

—haleighbarbers

Even after a C-section, things change down there. It felt like losing my virginity again, after every baby. Go slow and be ready!

—angelicap41542dd7e

It's a lot similar to losing your virginity. Your body feels new and vulnerable, and every move is carefully calculated.

—alliw439a35401

2. Your boobs will likely squirt or leak milk during sex.

CW

One night after I had my second child – and my husband and I had a few drinks – my husband got squirted in the eye with my breast milk! My boobs were super full because I hadn’t pumped in a few hours and I warned him to "avoid that area" but he didn’t listen. We were both laughing super hard during sex.

—sarahr4a457a1a8

Sex feels awkward and uncomfortable. For me it was like having sex for the first time ever, but with giant boobs that leaked milk all over my husband's chest.

—a4638d18ff

3. Some doctors put in extra, unnecessary stitches. Stitching you up too tight is called the "husband" stitch and it makes sex extremely painful. (So, thoroughly check out your delivery doctors!)

CW

Sex was pretty damn bad for me. My doctor cut me to get the baby out (an episiotomy) and then gave me two unnecessary "daddy stitches." Now I can only have missionary-style sex or it hurts way too much. I'm almost nine months postpartum and the scars still interfere. I feel like my vagina is ruined from being stitched together too tight.

–Ann Smith, Facebook

My son is almost a year old and we rarely have sex because both of us feel like it's too much effort. But, also it’s still super painful for me. It feels like the doctor stitched me up too much and I never had any problems before.

—corissamariew

4. It's hard to shut off your "mom brain" during the act.

CW

You hear a noise on the monitor and think, “Is that the baby? Is he waking up? Crap, it’s going to take me forever to get him back to sleep. Maybe his swaddle’s too tight. Can he breathe OK? Oh, right – we’re still having sex.” And then you have to mentally get back into it. It’s hard.

—erinf44b32523e

5. A lot of your sex will have to be scheduled.

CW

Sex went from whenever we wanted to whenever we wanted, but scheduled. I now will get a text at 1 p.m. asking for sex for that night, so once the kids are asleep we are ready to go. The frequency of sex definitely decreased the first few months after having the baby due to exhaustion, but once my daughter's sleep schedule got on track it was back to normal.

—s45e254cc2

6. And you will have to sneak most of your sex.

CW

Oh. My. God. So much sneaking. Hy husband and I have four kids under the age of 10, so finding time and space for sex has been...difficult. Especially since our youngest refuses to sleep in her own bed! Gone are the days (and nights) of the two-hour-long, headboard-banging, neighbors-call-the-cops, jello-legged sessions. No, now it's on-the-couch, ninja-quiet, pillow-biting, hope-to-hell-nobody-wakes-up-crying-midthrust, hurry-up after bedtime trysts. Things are going to get real freaky once we can kick the kids out of the house for the day!

—apowermomma

Sex doesn't have to stop after having kids, you just have to get good at sneaking it and you have lots of quickies. Every time one of our kids started sleeping through the night, things went back to normal. But, right now we have a seven month old, so we're back in quickie mode! Just remember if it hurts or you just don't want to, you don't have to.

—ninavollmer

7. Communication means good sex.

CW

Our daughter is three and a half now, and we are finally getting back to where we should be. The hardest part was my husband not understanding how much was different. My self esteem was gone because I looked so different, things hurt that didn't before, and I was tired and stressed out all the time. But, after LOTS of communication we are on the same page.

—smrtblonde77

That first time we had sex after the baby it wasn't fun. Being penetrated hurt so badly. Lots of lube and taking it very, VERY slow helped a lot. Sex is still painful in some positions, but my husband has learned to slow things down, and I've learned to be more open about what is or isn't working for me. Communication is key!

–andreadavison

8. Sex can actually be better after kids!

CW

Having a kid does NOT mean your sex life is over or that your vagina is ruined. Do your kegels. Sex is honesty better for me since having kids for whatever reason.

—viciousxvenom

I was extremely lucky! I was super horny right after giving birth, I couldn't wait to have sex again. Once the doctor approved (when my baby was about seven weeks old), my husband and I did it AT LEAST once a day!

—lookyposan

I was excited and ready right away, but we waited the 6 weeks after birth for the all clear. When we finally did it, it was amazing! Sure we were nervous at first, but we had been missing that intimacy, and it was some of the best sex I've ever had!

—brittritt1245

Better, tbh. Becoming a mother can have an effect on how you value yourself, your time, and your body in a positive way. Your body supported another life for ten months. You are incredible.

—s4ba9ce92b

9. You might find sex strictly ~primal~ for a while.

CW

My body did not feel like a sexual being after I gave birth. Sex was primal. I made a child, and I am nourishing this child by breastfeeding. This is what my body is for now. I joke about it, but I’m also completely serious! I am one year postpartum and my sex drive isn’t what it used to be. It’s changed my view of my body 100%.

—eskaytea

10. And you might not have any sex for a long time.

CW

We stopped having sex during my sixth month of pregnancy because it was so uncomfortable for me. Our son was a little over three years old before we had sex again. So, essentially, we didn’t have sex for over three years!

—alisham48d6e8382

Sex felt like a thousand knives when we tried six weeks after I gave birth. Now we are slowly getting back into things and everything is starting to feel normal again. I thought I would feel like myself again much faster, but it takes time. Also, orgasming makes my boobs leak milk, which always makes us laugh.

—hannahn43154efe0

11. You have to "prepare" for sex.

CW

Sex was weird – nothing felt the same. I couldn’t control my own muscles anymore and move the way I did pre-baby. We had to use lots of lube, foreplay, and I needed a gentle, internal massage before penetration to help loosen up tight and scarred muscles.

—grant101010

As my OBGYN told me: You will need some lube, a bottle of wine, and a good sense of humor! (She was 100% right!)

—hilaryc7

12. Breastfeeding can kill your sex drive.

CW

Sex went back to normal pretty quickly on a mechanical level, no pain or issues physically – but, breastfeeding KILLED my sex drive so it was really difficult to want to for a long time. It got better when my menstrual cycle came back after about 13 months postpartum. Oh, and also: milk. Milk EVERYWHEREEEE.

—danih47af4a746

"Ha! No thanks." That’s what it was like. I literally went to my doctor because the lady garden was drier than the Sahara no matter what. Apparently, breastfeeding produces the same hormones as menopause, so no libido and sandpaper coochie.

—giannaw46bbc5340

13. If you get an IUD after birth, be extremely cautious.

CW

I got an IUD put in after having my daughter because it seemed like the best option for birth control. Getting back in the groove after the baby took a while because it was super painful. I made sure to talk to my OBGYN about it, and she ordered an ultrasound to check the IUD. Turns out my IUD moved and was close to penetrating my uterine wall, so she took it out right away (without complications, thank goodness). Moral of the story: Sex after baby might make you sore, but painful sex might be a sign that you need to talk to your doctor. Don't be afraid to bring it up!

—haylieh40b5d3238

I got an IUD basically as soon as I could after giving birth. My husband and I were both very excited to "get back on the horse," but I found sex to be incredibly painful – almost like I was being ripped open again – and the pain would last for several days. It made me nervous to have sex, which in turn caused me to start shying away from it a bit. Seven months later I found out my IUD had started to imbed itself, which is what was causing all the pain. I had it removed immediately!

—lindsays405e953c2

14. And a lot of women immediately get pregnant again.

CW

Nobody told me you were still fertile right after giving birth – I was young and very naive – so I ended up pregnant again immediately and had two kids in one year. It was very exhausting lol.

—avemitch09

15. But, in a nutshell, sex after birth can be very great.

CW

I usually never comment on these posts, but I was so surprised after we had our daughter that I think more people should know having a kid definitely does not always mean the end of your sex life. About three days after delivering, I found my sex drive (which had died in the third trimester due to the fact that I was constantly uncomfortable) had come back stronger than ever. I was dying to be intimate with my husband. Not only was I attracted to him for all the original reasons, but seeing him take care of our daughter, take care of me, and advocate for me when I was dealing with postpartum depression made him sexier than ever. We were fooling around two to three times a day like when we first started dating. Unfortunately, I couldn’t have penetrative intercourse until six weeks after delivery, but it somehow made it hotter because we had to get creative during that time. And sneaking around trying not to wake/disturb our sleeping infant added another layer of hot to it all. Nothing is hotter than seeing your spouse become an amazing parent.

—beccajoh

Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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