Boy, do we have a controversial Am I the Asshole Reddit thread to discuss. It has left peoples' blood boiling! PULL UP A SEAT AND LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT!!!
Our situation comes from u/djuejejnu, who is a 24-year-old man. He and his 24-year-old wife are planning a trip from the US to Japan for a month-long vacation. OK, that's all the info you need to know before we get into his dilemma.
"We initially thought that we were going to be sitting next to each other, but I had the option to upgrade my seat to business with miles and I did. Well, my wife is not too happy about that because she wanted to sit together on the 12-hour flight, but it’s overnight so we’re gonna be sleeping the whole flight so I didn’t think it mattered. I told her that and she got upset because she thinks I chose business class over her and that’s rude apparently," he explains in the Reddit thread.
OK, well here's when our original poster (OP) kind of escalated things. "I said to her that she’s just jealous (in a teasing joking way) and she got upset and told me to ask the airline to see if I can switch my seat back to economy."
"I said hell no because I’m not going to miss my opportunity to sit in business class (which looks amazing btw, look up ANA the room). In my eyes, it’s just a 12-hour flight and it doesn’t matter if I sit next to my wife or not," he concluded.
The OP then said if what he did is "really bad" he still can change his flight. He then opened the floor to Reddit readers to see if he was, indeed, an asshole for this.
This is when the people of Reddit let him have it with their absolutely correct perspectives on why he was an asshole and how a healthy marriage would have looked in this situation. Let's break it down...
First of all, not only did the OP abandon his wife in economy seating, but he also made fun of her feelings about the situation.
"You literally ditched your wife and then mocked her. You are absolutely the asshole here and she is completely right to be upset."
And the fact that he made a 12-hour flight seem like it wasn't a big deal really upset a lot of people. (Personally, I consider any flight over three hours long.)
"'Just' a 12-hour flight isn't a sentence I hear that often. I've done 12-hour flights several times and they suck even when you have company you love. That flight is going to be even more awful for your wife if she's stuck next to a stranger. Whether you understand why or not your wife has made it clear how she feels and you're the asshole if you ignore that."
“It’s just a 12-hour flight in the middle seat in economy with little-to-no legroom, a cramped row, and no real way to recline, and get sleep. NBD”
"I’ve never been able to sleep on an airplane, so the assumption that she’ll just be 'sleeping the whole time' on a 12-hour flight is frankly ridiculous. The only way a 12-hour flight can be any worse is if your partner ditches you and you’re left to fend for yourself in economy."
"You're the asshole. I have flown back and forth from the US to Asia multiple times. It's miserable flying alone in economy on a flight that lasts over 10 hours. It would be a little more bearable to have your significant other next to you. Instead, you selfishly decided to upgrade yourself and not her. If I were your wife, I would consider canceling my flight altogether."
On top of that, he didn't seem to care about his wife's safety as a woman all alone in economy seating on a flight that long.
"Not to mention the safety risks while she's vulnerable and sleeping alone in economy while he enjoys the luxury in business class. Absolute asshole."
"A woman sitting alone in economy is far more likely to have someone try and impinge on her space and/or be annoyingly hit on throughout the flight."
A big "food for thought" moment was when people started asking WHY he would even want to fly business class knowing his wife was in economy.
"Why wouldn't you want to cuddle, talk, and be with your wife too? Aren't one of the perks of marriage never having to be alone on a plane again?"
"You're the asshole. Business class comes with more space, better service, and a quieter atmosphere. You're sending a message to your wife that you deserve all that but she doesn't."
And a really valid point was that if they are married and have flown together before, his wife may be entitled to some of the points he was using for himself.
"Did you accumulate those miles from your travels alone or did she earn some of those miles?"
When it came down to it, everyone felt that the OP is a red flag as a husband.
"How are people like you married? My wife’s friends have husbands like you and we just cringe at some of the stories. You're the asshole – huge asshole."
"Why are you even married if you're prioritizing your comfort over spending time with your wife?"
“'But, but, look how cool the upgrade is! Google ANA the room!' As if the coolness negates being a dick."
"Honestly, it's alarming that you can't see your wife deserves better. I would bet that this isn't the first time you've neglected to think of her while making a decision for yourself to be nice and comfortable."
"Right, my dude, do you even like your wife? Cause it sounds like you hate her. This is not how people who love another person treats them – especially not a spouse."
And it opened up conversations about what couples in healthy marriages would do in this type of situation:
"If this happened with my hubby and I, he would have immediately paid to upgrade my seat. Then been like, 'Babe, we got two upgrades for the price of one!'"
"When my husband and I were looking at flights to Bali and looking at business class upgrades, we had enough miles for one business class seat. He offered to just let me take business because he doesn’t care that much if he’s uncomfortable. I refused and said maybe I can take business one way, and he could take business the other way coming back. Or we should save up our miles until we have enough for two business class seats. Relationships should be all about fairness and equality. If you are only treating yourself, your wife will grow to resent you."
"My husband would offer it to me first, I'd decline because I want to sit together, and we'd ultimately refuse the upgrade since we can't sit together. I'd rather be cramped together than have tons of space all alone."
"If there’s only one upgrade my Mrs. would be offered it first. Then she would knock it back because she would prefer to be with me than be comfortable alone... Which is sort of what marrying someone is meant to mean, don’t you think? I wouldn’t cash in miles until there was enough to either upgrade us both or buy us both a vacation trip. JFC you don’t know how to be married at all."
There were so many people explaining so many valid reasons why the OP was an asshole that he updated the post letting people know he ended up buying his wife a business class seat. BUTTT, Reddit users still think his wife should take a hard look at what kind of husband she has.
"It doesn’t matter that he later bought the upgrade for her (he updated the post). He already showed his true colors. Their trip has been soured from the beginning because he was such a douche."
Well, kids, what did we learn today? In addition to "don't be an asshole and leave your wife alone in economy seating while you enjoy business class," the moral of today's AITA Reddit thread is: Don't get married if you really don't want to be and take a hard look at WHO you are marrying.
