1. Be Harry Potter.
2. The bowl is a man's best friend.
3. Never cosplay yourself. Unless you're awesome, then always cosplay yourself.
4. Break shit. Especially in pursuit of your air band dreams.
5. Dead things can't hurt you, they can only make you more beautiful.
6. You're not a real (Spider-)man if you haven't kissed Kirsten Dunst.
7. Never trust anyone to take your bra off.
8. When life gives you a small hole to look through, you look through it.
9. There's no higher honor on god's green earth than the MTV Best Kiss award. And if you win one, you're Ryan Gosling.
10. Smoke more weed.
11. Always carry a cardboard cutout of your best friend in case you miss them.
12. Know thine enemy.
13. No seriously.
14. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to lovers.
15. There's nothing more important than me time.
16. Heaven looks like Jurassic Park.
17. If you microwave you're basically already a national hero.
18. NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FOOD. NOTHING.
19. NOTHING.
20. This is a surefire way to win any argument.
21. When in doubt, WebMD.
22. Don't fight true love, just let it overcome you.
23. Don't choose between two things smash them together and have both.
24. Surround yourself with minions to do your evil bidding.
25. IF YOU'RE NOT TERRIFIED OF NATURE YOU'RE WRONG.
26. When in doubt, Mississippi.
27. Follow through.
28. Chilly dicks + horses = art.
29. And most importantly:
