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62 Thoughts I Had While Watching Season 5, Episode 6 Of "Game Of Thrones"

Mostly just: NOPE.

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1. Totally forgot Jeor Mormont was Jorah's father. Whoops.

2. Seriously, way too many cooks in this show.

3. Oh, right. Loras is in jail and Margaery isn't putting out until he's released.

4. I'm going to start a girl group called the Sand Snakes.

5. Minor detail that I have no musical ability at all.

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6. This scene of Arya washing someone (who is maybe dead?) is weirdly making me want to get a pedicure and have that nice little mini-massage they give you.

7. Maisie Williams' eyebrows are so on point it's ridiculous.

8. OK, but the other girl who serves the faceless men seems kinda cray.

9. Oh shit — Arya, maybe you didn't hate The Hound as much as you let on.

10. Arya trying to decipher how to play this ridiculous "game" is like me trying to decipher how to date.

11. Tyrion's beard game is so on-point this season.

12. "He was fucking the woman I love." *Gags thinking about Tywin getting laid*

13. But Jorah and Jeor Mormont actually look like they're only five years apart.

14. Oh my god. He didn't know his dad was dead?! Ugh, the stone thing and now this.

15. If everyone is so worried about winter why don't they just hit up this balmy island these two are hanging out on?

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16. Ayra's cult life is honestly so bizarre.

17. When this guy walked over to Arya she looked like: "...Uh let me get my manager."

18. This sick girl is rocking some Baby Spice pigtail buns; I love it.

19. OK so there's a creepy room with a library of faces. Totally normal.

20. Ayra please don't pick that old chick as your first transformation. Someone with better eyebrows...please.

21. Ah shit, these dudes don't look like people you wanna fuck with.

22. What is this nasty pinky ring this guy is wearing?

23. "It will be a dwarf-sized cock." "Guess again." (I knew it.)

24. "The dwarf lives until we find a cock merchant." ...This episode is weird.

25. Seriously, did one of the writers lose a bet with their friend and the punishment was working that sentence into this week's script?

26. Jorah, you need to grow out a badass ponytail if you want to be taken seriously.

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27. But why do I still find Lancel kinda hot even with that symbol branded on his forehead...?

28. Lancel needs to get that stick out of his ass and get laid.

29. "One's choice of companion is a curious thing." YES. Littlefinger with that incest subtweet.

30. All Cersei has proved this season is she can drink her enemies under the table.

31. Littlefinger is so casually selling out Sansa. NOT COOL.

32. But I'm all for Cersei coming for the Boltons.

33. "The weather has already begun to turn." Proud of the writers for mixing up the typical "Winter is coming."

34. "Uncle Kevin" is the least Game of Thrones name there ever was.

35. Myrcella's hair is a thing of beauty.

36. This boy is way too good at smooth-talking for a 14-year-old.

37. Also, where is the acne, huh? Let's make these teens awkward like the rest of us were.

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38. The Sand Snakes are in their little ninja costumes so you know it's on.

39. Da fuq. Can just anyone walk into this royal garden or what?

40. Ah, Myrcella. Your teen angst is gonna get you killed.

41. OK but the Sand Snakes and Jaime both seem like they didn't have the slightest plan.

42. These girls are killin' it with their Indiana Jones whips.

43. Are you sure you wanna marry the bro who got hit once and never got up, Mrycella?

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44. Yaaass. Hi, Grandma Tyrell.

45. "Get some rest, dear, you look appalling." As if Natalie Dormer could ever.

46. "Put the pen down, dear, we both know you're not writing." LOL.

47. The amount of bullshit Cersei is laying on Grandma Tyrell is infuriating.

48. At this rate, Tommen is never getting laid again.

49. Loras is looking GOOD with that weeks-in-jail scruff.

50. Tommen literally just shat himself in that chair.

51. Grandma Tyrell, it's time to give Cersei a special glass of wine.

52. Sansa should know better to let this bitch with the crazy eyes in to draw her a bath.

53. But like I wouldn't be dissing someone who's clearly unstable when I'm all naked and vulnerable.

54. This is kinda the creepy goth wedding of my dreams.

55. As long as it doesn't turn into the Red Wedding 2.0.

56. Though there's only one person I like in attendance, so couldn't be that bad.

57. Ramsay's evil smirk after she said "I take this man" sent chills down my spine.

58. God, Sansa. Just run. Run before you have to deal with the wedding night.

59. Oh my god. REEK. HELP HER.

60. Worst. Episode. Ever.

61. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

62. The only other thoughts I'll be having tonight is imagining ways to kill Ramsay Bolton.