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    It's About Time We All Admit That Honeydew Melon Is Garbage

    This is important.

    There's something we need to talk about...

    ...It's about time we acknowledge the havoc honeydew melon is wreaking on all of our lives.

    It doesn't matter if you didn't want to buy a honeydew melon – you bet your ass it'll find its way into your fruit salad.

    Oh, what's that? You'd like a mixed fruit cup? HOW ABOUT A HONEYDEW MELON CUP THAT TASTES LIKE NOTHING?

    "But isn't ALL fruit delicious and refreshing?" —You, probably

    No, you beautiful, naive fool. Because honeydew has this magic* ability to stay unripe and taste like you're biting into a ball of spa-flavored Styrofoam.

    Just look at how sad little Becky* is. She probably thought she was getting a well-rounded fruit salad and only found garbage honeydew melon.

    It's ruining relationships everywhere.

    It's ruining lives.

    Together, we can make a difference.