...It's about time we acknowledge the havoc honeydew melon is wreaking on all of our lives.
It doesn't matter if you didn't want to buy a honeydew melon – you bet your ass it'll find its way into your fruit salad.
Oh, what's that? You'd like a mixed fruit cup? HOW ABOUT A HONEYDEW MELON CUP THAT TASTES LIKE NOTHING?
"But isn't ALL fruit delicious and refreshing?" —You, probably
No, you beautiful, naive fool. Because honeydew has this magic* ability to stay unripe and taste like you're biting into a ball of spa-flavored Styrofoam.
Just look at how sad little Becky* is. She probably thought she was getting a well-rounded fruit salad and only found garbage honeydew melon.