1. These practical gloves.
"I WANT THAT!" — said no one, ever.
2. These coffee-talkies.
Yes, let me just pour scalding hot coffee on my face while I talk to my friend 30 yards away.
3. This yummy beauty product.
I mean, they were out of Hellmann's.
4. This appetizing delicacy.
WE GOTTA GTFO OF THIS COUNTRY, MAN.
5. This quick fix.
Oh boy! You mean the lines my fat makes when I sit down could look like a six pack?
6. These practical pants.
Because you just never know when someone is going to invite you to a picnic.
7. This shitty dessert.
8. This bath mat out of a horror movie.
Sure, I'd like it to look like I was murdered every time I shower!
9. This stain remover for the necessities.
In case you get in a bloody brawl while eating ice cream.
10. This very comfortable cat hat.
He looks like he's just lovin' life right now.
11. This time-efficient banana cutter.
What will I do with all this free time I have now?!
12. These jammin' cashews.
Talk about putting the party in party mix. AMIRITE?!
13. This very necessary cup holder.
This is the invention we've been waiting for.
14. This important vitamin.
For when you're feeling like a horny goat.
15. This narcissistic brush.
Because you never know when the lighting is going to be just right.
16. These fancy garbage cans.
I can barely dress myself, never mind my trash cans.
17. This great classroom aid.
For all those kids with T. rex arms.
18. This terrifying product.
Or you could just put your kid in a straitjacket. Either way!
19. This snot-sucker.
OK, no one loves their kids THAT much.
20. These technologically advanced shoes.