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77 Thoughts That Cross Your Mind On A First Date

Shake hands or hug? Shake hands or hug? SHAKE HANDS OR HUG?

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1. What should I wear?

2. I want something that says, "Hey, I was totally wearing this all day and didn't change but I happen to look amazing, so it worked out."

3. Even though I'm totally going to change.

4. A dress? Is a dress casual?

5. Jeans? Jeans are definitely casual.

6. But what if the place is nice? What if they're dressed up?

7. OK. I'm just going to wear jeans and hope for the best.

8. I need a glass of wine.

9. Not to get drunk — just to loosen up.

10. But I mean, I am pretty charming when I'm drunk.

11. How much do I even know about this person, though?

12. What if they are a murderer?

13. What if they are one of those people who only allows themself one "cheat meal" a week?

14. What if we have absolutely nothing to talk about?

15. I should leave soon.

16. Or should I be fashionably late?

17. I don't want to end up sitting there alone.

18. But I don't want to be the jerk that gets there super late.

19. OK, I'll just go.

20. Fuck, I wish I cancelled.


21. I'm so nervous I have to pee.

22. But I don't want that to be the first thing I do when I get there, should I stop somewhere?

23. Like, "Hi, I'm Kirsten. I need to pee."

24. This is already going poorly.

25. OK. I'm not going to stop. It's probably just false pee nerves.

26. Alright this is it. But what if I don't recognize them?

27. I guess I'll just walk in and smile at my phone until someone approaches me.

28. OMG thank god they texted and told me their exact location so I don't have to wander aimlessly.

29. Is it going to be weird if I get a drink?

30. I hope they drink.

31. Not that there's anything wrong with NOT drinking.

32. Oh, is that them?

33. They're cuter than I expected.

34. OMG what if I'm less cute than they expected?

35. If they say, "You're really photogenic" I'm gonna go ahead and read that as I look like a mountain troll in real life compared to my pics.

36. Should we shake hands? Hug?

37. OMG shake hands or hug? Shake hands or hug? SHAKE HANDS OR HUG?

38. OK. I'm gonna hug because my hands are clammy.

39. I'm going for it. I'm going for the hug.

40. OK that went well. Maybe I held it too long.

41. And we're getting right into the, "What do you do for a living?" talk.

42. I don't get why that's what dates always start with. Don't we get enough about work AT work?

43. And now we're transitioning to the "Where are you from?" portion of the night.

44. Why am I telling them about the pool I had in my neighborhood complex as a child?

45. How did I get here?

46. They don't care about this.


48. OK. I'm going to the bathroom to text my friends/map out some witty stuff to say.

50. Should I SnapChat while I'm in here?

51. I mean, why not?

52. SnapChat caption: "Awkward first date."

53. Should I send this to my crush on SnapChat?

54. Yeah I should. I'm the worst. But I'm gonna do it.

55. Fuck. I gotta get outta here they're going to think I'm going number two.

56. I wonder how much longer this date is going to go.

57. I'm kinda tired.

58. And I'd really like to watch the new season of Orange Is The New Black.

60. OK, this is why I'm single.

61. And here's the awkward moment where the waitress asks if we want another drink and we decide if we're going to get drunk together and try and have fun or call it.

62. I mean... I AM tired.

63. I'll just follow their lead.

64. And now we're doing that awkward "Should we get another drink?" look at each other.

65. I'm just going to say I have an early morning.

66. No you don't need to walk me to my car. This is my time to call my friend and tell them how it went.

67. OK. So you're gonna walk me to my car anyway.

68. Oh god, are they going to try and kiss me?

69. Maybe I'll give them the cheek.

70. And here comes the awkward "We should do this again," wrap up.

71. Are they going for the kiss? The hug? WHAT IS HAPPENING.

72. OK, I'm committing to the hug.

73. Shit, I might have just totally brushed them off.

74. Oh well.

75. At least it's over.

76. Time to go home and get into sweatpants and not talk to anyone for the rest of the night.

77. Dating is hard.