1. Alright, what am I going to wear?
2. Oh, maybe I'll wear that red shirt I love.
3. Nope. Can't wear that. I'm wearing that in one of my dating profile pictures.
4. I need to look like I'm not trying that hard.
5. So that will take about an hour.
6. I'm just going to look at their profile one more time.
7. Oh, they were active 5 minutes ago – they're already lining up their next date.
8. Or maybe they're stalking me, too.
9. MAYBE WE'RE SIMULTANEOUSLY STALKING EACH OTHER.
10. Oh my god, they're probably nervous, too.
11. OK, I need to relax.
12. I'm going to have a glass of wine.
13. Just to ~ease the nerves.~
14. But just one – I don't want to show up drunk.
15. That would make this date easier, though.
16. Maybe I should take a shot?
17. NO. You are not pre-gaming your date!
18. Damn. I look pretty good.
19. I should take a SnapChat.
20. Damn. I look REALLY good.
21. Gonna just go ahead and make that "My Story" on SnapChat.
22. Maybe I'll have one more glass of wine.
23. I'm basically ready to go.
24. Oh they listed their Instagram on their profile.
25. Let me stalk that real quick.
26. Anddddd I'm 30 weeks back.
27. How did I get here?
28. I wonder if that's an ex.
29. That ex looks cute. Shit.
30. That would be the worst if I accidentally liked a picture right now.
31. I feel like I'm walking through a minefield.
32. I need to get off their Instagram. This is too risky.
33. Maybe I should touch up my makeup.
34. But every time I do that after a glass of wine I end up looking like a drag queen.
35. But like, not a cute drag queen.
36. Seriously, how do they contour their face like that? So fierce.
37. I'm just going to Google them super quick.
38. Like... I need to make sure they aren't a murderer.
39. Oh is this them?
40. Wait, no. This is a 40-year-old dog whisperer. Def not.
41. But this person looks cool, too.
42. Oh found their LinkedIn.
43. But I can't click that – they'll see I viewed it.
44. I wish we had a mutual friend to vouch for them.
45. I wonder what they were like in high school.
46. I wonder what they were like in college.
47. I wonder if they're close with their family.
48. OH MY GOD I HAVE BEEN STALKING THIS PERSON FOR HOURS AND I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THEM.
49. They could have some weird fetish.
50. What if they don't look like their picture?
51. What if they don't think I look like my picture?
52. You right swipe and think you know someone but DO YOU EVEN?
53. Online dating is the worst.
