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    26 Boston Bars, Accurately Renamed

    where everybody knows your name

    1. Cask 'N Flagon → Glass 'N Foot

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Fenway

    Do NOT wear sandals. I mean, it's flattering that the owners think we're mature enough to hold a real glass, but c'mon. It's all fun and games until a bunch of drunk zombies start wandering around dropping gin and tonics left and right.

    2. Sissy K's → Sweat Fo' Dayz

    Twitter: @SissyKsBoston

    Neighborhood: Financial District

    After four margarita specials you'll feel bold enough to venture to the second floor. This is a terrible mistake. Turn back or you'll soon be putting your hair in the shameful drunk ponytail and drying your armpits in the bathroom.

    3. Market → Line

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Financial District

    Make sure you bring your flask and a good book if you get to Market after ten. You'll spend most of your time in line. But don't worry, once you get inside you get to enjoy that rooftop view... of the surrounding taller buildings?

    4. The Wild Rover → UndeRAGE

    Via Facebook: wildroverboston

    Neighborhood: Financial District

    If you're new to the bar scene, grab a drink and a sweaty stranger. If you're a seasoned bar-goer, this bar will make you wish you stayed in and watched Netflix.

    5. Coogan's → Dollar Drafts

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Financial District

    Your wallet will thank you. Your dignity won't.

    6. Tavern In The Square → Came2Dance

    Via Facebook: Tavern-in-the-Square-Allston

    Neighborhood: Allston

    When someone from Boston says they love "TITS," they aren't necessarily being pervy. Equipped with hot bouncers, a photo booth, and good DJ, you'll leave it all on the dance floor at TITs.

    7. Deep Ellum → Too Hip To Quit

    Via Facebook: DeepEllumBoston

    Neighborhood: Allston

    If Deep Ellum were a beer, it would be craft beer. And if it were a person, they wouldn't be reading this post.

    8. Ned Devine's → Ned Robbed You

    HBO / Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Financial District

    Cover: $10. Drink: $10. Coat Check: $3. Friends deciding the live band isn't cutting it and leaving 20 minutes in: priceless.

    9. Hong Kong Cafe → Drunk Kabobs

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Financial District/Harvard Square

    You mean we can drink, dance, AND drunk-eat? Hold on, I gotta let that last kabob digest, I'm cramping up on the dance floor.

    10. Baseball Tavern → DILFs

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Fenway

    Right by Fenway? Check. Game always on the TV? Check. Scruffy men that look old enough to pay for their own health insurance? SOLD.

    11. Commonground → Nostalgia Bar

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Allston

    Friday is '90s night? Oh it's on. Relive your best musical days and worst adolescent memories all in one place.

    12. Liquor Store → Pants NOT Optional

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Theatre District

    Girls, can we PLEASE start wearing pants while we ride the mechanical bull? Please? There will ALWAYS be a forty year old man standing in the shadows watching you, remember that.

    13. Silhouette → Snack Attack

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Allston

    What's better than a bar with popcorn? A bar with free popcorn.

    14. White Horse Tavern → Here2Ball

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Allston

    I'm kind of here for the music and drinking, but mostly to improve my basketball arcade game score. DON'T TALK TO ME WHILE I'M PLAYING.

    15. Howl At The Moon → Best Of Both Worlds

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Financial District

    Nurse your first beer upstairs and pretend to be classy while you listen to the piano. By drink number three you'll be ready for the grubby basement party that awaits downstairs.

    16. Lansdowne → The Melting Pot

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Fenway

    On the pub side of Lansdowne, you'll find a mix of older people, Red Sox fans, and drunk twentysomethings that won't remember they met you. The nostalgic '90s picks from the live band will have you swaying with your arm around the stranger next to you in no time.

    17. Bill's → The Dark Side

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Fenway

    Slip into Bill's to try and skip the Friday and Saturday night Landsdowne line. Stay in Bill's if you want to make out with someone in a dark corner.

    18. Whiskey Saigon → Not Drunk Enough

    Via Facebook: WhiskySaigon

    Neighborhood: Theatre District

    Well, the line for Liquor Store and Estate was too long... better take a shot or five.

    19. Estate → Club Lyfe

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Theatre District

    Prepare yourself for girls in tight dresses, guys in silk button-downs, and the phrase, "IT'S HER BIRTHDAY."

    20. Legal Harborside → Class Act

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Seaport

    The view is beautiful, the men smell nice, and you can't afford more than one drink.

    21. The Greatest Bar → Not The Greatest Bar

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: The North End

    The owners really set themselves up for failure on this one. You'll spend most of your night here pointing out things that would actually make this a great bar.

    22. The Mission → Dinner Time

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Mission Hill

    I'm not here to party. I'm here to eat a burger, drink an overpriced drink, and people-watch.

    23. Hurricane O'Reilly's → Couldn't Afford Bruins Tickets

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: The North End

    Welcome to the land of cheap pitchers, large TVs, and all the Massholes in one place.

    24. Tequila Rain → Don't Touch Me

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Fenway

    Despite the radio ads that air EVERY SINGLE DAY, Tequila Rain ISN'T the best bar in Boston. Seriously, don't touch anything. Not the grope-y men. Not the toilet seat. Nothing.

    25. Loretta's Last Call → Moonshine Wins

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Fenway

    Loretta's sells moonshine, people. And plays country music. If you like country, you will go here and channel your inner Southern belle. If you don't, you will drink moonshine until you do.

    26. Storyville → Flashlight Bar

    Via yelp.com

    Neighborhood: Back Bay

    Seriously, can't see shit in here. God forbid you drop anything in the black hole that is Storyville.

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