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26 Hilarious Tweets From This Week All By Women

"I don't need everyone to like me, I just need for no one to be even the slightest bit upset at me ever."

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uhhh of course i’m going to see mamma mia 2 for the 500th time it’s called mamma mia here we go again not mamma mia here we go once

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ppl who r like Really Into Weed will hand me weed and be like “doesn’t this smell exactly like caramelized strawberry cheesecake” like no dude that smells like weed but i appreciate your enthusiasm

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the boys who lived here before us just stopped by to see the house and I asked about how this hole I️n my ceiling got there and this is how it happened.. idk what I was expecting, but I️t wasn’t that. https://t.co/TeeJfziVq4

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5.

Me when I was 5: wow IKEA is cool Me when I was 15: wow IKEA is cool Me when I was 20: wow IKEA is cool Me when I’m 50: wow IKEA is cool

6.

have not stopped laughing at this text from my dad, a copy editor for Christ, since i got it yesterday

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please enjoy this masterpiece I spent way too long creating

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once i buy an overpriced planner for the school year that will help me pretend i have my life together for only about a month, its over for you hoes

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9.

me making sure the barista sees me put money in the tip jar

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I present u all with my grandpa's cat, panson

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This was on my parents cruise breakfast bar this morning... shreks head

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My dad and I have a tradition of putting me in the Costco cart and now that I’m nearly 30 we realized it’s bordering on sad https://t.co/5PoPfbfpmO

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HR at my work just called me and i thought i was in trouble for something but they just let me know my 11-year-old sister has been commenting on their instagram every day telling them to give me a raise

14.

When you don’t get past the “talking” stage. https://t.co/1JXLU5RNR7

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Throwback to that time I composed a magnet poem about werewolves and it was the deepest shit I ever wrote.

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I dont need everyone to like me I just need for no one to be even the slightest bit upset at me ever

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DERMATOLOGIST: Your skin looks very young. ME: I’ve never smiled.

20.

do you mean bf like best friend or boyfriend or bread festival

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Anyone who believes in massive global conspiracies has clearly never tried to plan a dinner with more than like three people

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he was a trader joe she said see you later joe

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I tweet for the girls that keep that black “office sweater” on the back of their chair because they keep the thermostat on Artic Tundra

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Trying to view my anxiety not as something menacing but just an annoying, unwelcome presence. Like a neighbor in a ‘90s sitcom

26.

halloween is approaching and i can feel myself getting stronger