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26 Hilarious Tweets From This Week All By Women

"I don't need everyone to like me, I just need for no one to be even the slightest bit upset at me ever."



uhhh of course i’m going to see mamma mia 2 for the 500th time it’s called mamma mia here we go again not mamma mia here we go once


ppl who r like Really Into Weed will hand me weed and be like “doesn’t this smell exactly like caramelized strawberry cheesecake” like no dude that smells like weed but i appreciate your enthusiasm


the boys who lived here before us just stopped by to see the house and I asked about how this hole I️n my ceiling got there and this is how it happened.. idk what I was expecting, but I️t wasn’t that.


Me when I was 5: wow IKEA is cool Me when I was 15: wow IKEA is cool Me when I was 20: wow IKEA is cool Me when I’m 50: wow IKEA is cool


have not stopped laughing at this text from my dad, a copy editor for Christ, since i got it yesterday


please enjoy this masterpiece I spent way too long creating


once i buy an overpriced planner for the school year that will help me pretend i have my life together for only about a month, its over for you hoes


me making sure the barista sees me put money in the tip jar


I present u all with my grandpa's cat, panson


This was on my parents cruise breakfast bar this morning... shreks head


My dad and I have a tradition of putting me in the Costco cart and now that I’m nearly 30 we realized it’s bordering on sad


HR at my work just called me and i thought i was in trouble for something but they just let me know my 11-year-old sister has been commenting on their instagram every day telling them to give me a raise


When you don’t get past the “talking” stage.



Throwback to that time I composed a magnet poem about werewolves and it was the deepest shit I ever wrote.



I dont need everyone to like me I just need for no one to be even the slightest bit upset at me ever


DERMATOLOGIST: Your skin looks very young. ME: I’ve never smiled.


do you mean bf like best friend or boyfriend or bread festival



Anyone who believes in massive global conspiracies has clearly never tried to plan a dinner with more than like three people


he was a trader joe she said see you later joe


I tweet for the girls that keep that black “office sweater” on the back of their chair because they keep the thermostat on Artic Tundra


Trying to view my anxiety not as something menacing but just an annoying, unwelcome presence. Like a neighbor in a ‘90s sitcom


halloween is approaching and i can feel myself getting stronger

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