1.
I moved to Los Angeles so that I could pay money to feel ugly
2.
Ive never had a tweet go viral but I did yawn once and a few people around me also yawned so I get it
3.
Coachella poster font is my annual eye exam
4.
my brain: don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it me: hey whatsup haven’t seen u since last year
5.
I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS LMAO
6.
In middle school when girls would text each other “will you dress up with me tomorrow” this is what they meant
7.
Anderson Cooper enduring tequila shots is honestly the most relatable I’ve ever seen him. #CNNNYE
8.
when i was 6 i named my animal crossing character “sex” and couldn’t change it back so panicked, went outside the next day and smashed the game card with a hammer i have lived with this my whole life
9.
I love when women are having the I Won’t Take My Husband’s Name Because I Already Have My Own Name conversation & a dude pops in with “but you’ve already taken a MAN’S last name from your dad” and like how clever of you to notice that, yes, the patriarchy is literally everywhere
10.
Babysit they said. It’ll be fine they said.
11.
Y’all remember scrunching our hair with half a pound of garnier hair gel until it resembled uncooked ramen then finishing the look off by straightening our bangs into oblivion and plastering them to our foreheads? Good times
12.
found a piece of confetti on my foot and my genuine, initial reaction was “oh wow, someone must’ve installed this chip in me while i was asleep last night”. happy new year !
13.
u ever think about how the year 3000 is literally 81 years away
14.
Jesus Christ would you look at the time
15.
i want to marry someone as funny as me. imagine we both laughing because we forgot to pick the kids up from school
16.
Someone asked me why I was wearing a fake AirPod... bro that’s my hearing aid
17.
Things that vloggers swear by: 1. Air fryers? 2. Anastasia contour kit 3. Thousand dollar glow ups including eyelash extensions 4. Serata hot sauce and coffee 5. Gummybear hair care 6. Insta pot 7. Personal trainers 8. Girl weekend getaways 9. Pajamas during day 10. Spray tan
18.
there’s........... so much going on here
19.
boy!!! girl!!!! guy!!!!
20.
1. Don’t leave mangos in ur purse 2. Don’t try to play tug of war with an elephant
21.
things to stop talking about 1. airpods 2. sicko mode 3. memes 4. airpod memes 5. people listening to sicko mode on their airpods memes 5. me unless its nice
22.
while tucking in my son he casually told me he lived a life a long time ago where his name was Gerald and he had a brother Cole who was also his business partner and they died together in a car crash so plz join me in not sleeping at all tonight lol
23.
Basically every time we eat dinner my dog starts bawling so we got her a chair so she could be included and she hasn’t cried since😩😩😩
24.
your airpods could never
25.
Isabelle has been casually beating my ass in a $4,200 Gucci jacket this whole time