1.
guy who invented the hokey pokey: you put your right foot in his party guest: okay gwithp: you take your right foot out hpg: go off gwithp: you put your right foot in hpg: stop I’m screaming gwithp: and you shake it all about hpg: you’re fucking kidding me
2.
[guy who's about to invent parties] *drinking alone* i wish this was worse
3.
the guy who invented constellations was like "see those 4 stars? that's a bear" and everyone else was just too busy trying to not die from the plague to fight him on it
4.
"What if I tried to put a ball somewhere and you tried to stop me" -guy who invented sports
5.
exec: whos got a new candy for me guy who invented fundip: ok so it's powdered sugar in a pouch exec: the candy is just... sugar? guy: yup! flavored like fruit that does crystal meth exec: how do you eat it guy: [ripping a line of neon cocaine] WITH A STICK OF MORE SUGAR
6.
[guy about to invent monopoly] *looking at friends* i have too many of these
7.
GUY WHO INVENTED STEW: I wish this plate of meat & vegetables was damp.
8.
[1907. the first convenience store opens] GUY WHO INVENTED INCONVENIENCE STORES: damn
9.
THE GUY WHO INVENTED DRIVING: what if there was a way you could make a very small mistake and absolutely kill yourself and your entire family
10.
wind: *exists* guy who invented windbreakers: “this shit sucks. I have got to find some way to break this.”
11.
THE GUY WHO INVENTED FIREWORKS: i’m gonna kill god.
12.
GUY WHO INVENTED THE PHOTOGRAPH: I invented the photograph! GUY WHO HATES THE GUY WHO INVENTED PHOTOGRAPHS AND IS ABOUT TO INVENT PUZZLES: Cool can I see that?
13.
ASSISTANT: so what dimensions do the doors, hinges, walls, and locks need to be so that it all fits? GUY WHO INVENTED PUBLIC BATHROOM STALLS: can't stress how unimportant that part is
14.
who invented numbers. like they literally just made some shit up and everybody was like ok sounds good
15.
"Hey!" *thousands of people turn around* Guy who invented names: I HAVE to fix this.
16.
'What if traveling between rooms was slightly harder?' - guy who invented doors
17.
Guy about to invent work: what if we paid people to be miserable
18.
guy who invented daylight savings time: and then in the fall you get an extra hour to sleep! us: wow yeah that sounds great him: [under his breath] and in exchange you get months of darknesss and sadness us: wait what? him: what?
19.
GUY WHO INVENTED BLOODY MARYS (drinking a normal cocktail): hrmmm needs more ketchup
20.
Guy who invented the piano: 200 hundred years from now it may need tuning but it will be sturdy. So sturdy. His friend, who invented piano benches: the legs are designed for maximum wobble
21.
The guy who invented toast was probably all like "let's cook this bread a second time because cooking things just once is not enough times"
22.
The guy who invented the Christmas tree: https://t.co/1owG9E3hOe
23.
[guy who's about to invent croutons] *eating salad* i wish this hurt