19 Sex Horror Stories That'll Make You Feel Better About Your Love Life
"Just when I thought it was safe to let out a silent one, I farted right in his mouth."
1. The poopy pool balls.
"My boyfriend and I were at my grandparents' house, and went in the basement to 'play a game of pool.' When we started having sex, he decided it'd be a good idea to shove a pool ball up my butt. I was horrified and in so much pain. I had to go upstairs, walk by my grandmother while I had a pool ball in my butt, and poop it out in the toilet. While I was on the toilet, I found out my boyfriend put a golf ball up there too."
—Marina Ruffles, Facebook
2. The falling false tooth.
"One night I was really getting it on with this girl while I was on top. I gritted my teeth and my false tooth fell inside of her mouth. She didn't laugh and straight-up asked me what fell in her mouth. When I told her, she put it aside, and we went right back to it."
—Greg Buenagua, Facebook
3. The surprise fart.
"My boyfriend was getting playful during foreplay and started kissing me all over. Unfortunately, I didn't realize exactly where he was headed. Just when I thought it was safe to let out a silent one, I farted right in his mouth. A lot of teeth brushing ensued."
—Katy Day, Facebook
4. The flying fuck buddy.
"I got a little bored when I was ~doing the deed~ with my friend. I decided I wanted to be on top, so I used my feet to carefully push him away. The poor guy went flying across my room and smacked his head on my bedside table. He landed with his legs in the air, ass slightly raised, and a lampshade on his head."
—Lara Bettie Rage, Facebook
5. The orgasmic prayer.
"I was dating this really hot Brazilian man at the time. One night, he was getting frisky and hitting all of the right spots. After we both achieved the desired results, he started to recite an Ave Maria prayer in Portuguese. It was really random because I'm not even Christian!"
—Maggie May, Facebook
6. The busted ballsack.
"I once went home with a guy after we went on a few dates. I eventually found out he gauged his ballsack (like how some people have in their ears) and he had a two-inch hole between his balls. He wanted me to stick my finger through his ballsack and pull hard. I never called him again."
—Amelia Corwin, Facebook
7. The dirty hairbrush.
"I went home with a guy after dancing at a bar. Everything seemed normal until he got up mid-hookup and handed me a hairbrush and a huge bottle of lotion. He said he wanted me to put the hairbrush handle up his butt while giving him a blow job."
8. The blazin' fingers.
"The sex was going well until my boyfriend started fingering me. My downstairs region started burning. We had just come back from Buffalo Wild Wings where he successfully ate the 12 Blazin' Wings, and then stuck those unwashed fingers into my vagina. It burned so much that I went numb and had to ice myself. "
9. The rope of cum.
"When my ex pulled out, he shot one long thick rope of cum straight up his own nose. He then threw up because it dripped down the back of his throat."
—Janis M. Brooks, Facebook
10. The worst spanking job.
"I was on top of my husband and he went to slap my ass. He missed and accidentally slapped his balls pretty hard. I almost passed out from laughing so hard. That was almost three years ago and he hasn't tried to slap my ass in bed since."
—Shannon Joleen Hutto, Facebook
11. The interrupted virgin.
"The first time I ever had sex, my mom walked in on me. I jumped off my girlfriend and took the sheet with me while she was spread eagle on the bed. I swore to my mom that it wasn't what she thought was happening. My mom had nothing to say except: 'She doesn't have a tan line. Why did she have her socks on?' I never saw my girlfriend again."
—Mike Vance, Facebook
12. The pussy sneezer.
"My girlfriend was not a swallower during oral, so after I had an orgasm, she looked up at me with a mouthful of my goods. I said, 'Well, at least I didn't fart,' and she promptly laughed. Unfortunately when she laughed she sniffed my fluids out her nose, which dangled there for a second before the burning caused her to throw her head back. It landed squarely in her open eye. I've never laughed so hard in my entire life."
—Daphne Dorman, Facebook
13. The sleepy eater.
"My ex-boyfriend came over one night, exhausted from a long day at work. He insisted on giving me oral sex, and right in the middle of it his technique improved a lot. I was about to ask what happened, when I heard him start to snore. He fell asleep right in the middle of giving me oral!"
14. The slippery seduction.
"I slipped as I got out of the shower during shower-sex. One hand landed on my wet boyfriend, and the other managed to grab the shower curtain that couldn't hold my weight. I spun around and smashed my ribs onto the faucet. The next morning I learned I cracked a few of my ribs."
15. The playful kitten.
"The night I proposed to my wife, we had really hot sex. We were going at it in bed with the covers off. Then our new kitten hopped up on the bed and started to bat around my balls."
16. The Dark Knight has urinated.
"I had sex with a guy who once said: 'Call me Batman. Call me the Dark Knight.' Then, afterwards, he peed out of his bedroom window that faced the front yard. Why?!"
17. The fart-filled New Year.
"My college boyfriend and I were having sex on New Year's Eve. Just as he was climaxing, he farted loudly. He was so embarrassed that he leaned back to roll away from me, but he was still inside of me and holding onto my hips. So he pulled me off of the bed with him and we fell on the floor."
18. The semen shotgun.
"My husband and I were messing around for a bit before he was going to put on the condom. Things got hot and heavy and he was going to orgasm inside of me. At the last minute, he pulled out and shot hot, violent semen right into my open eyeball. It was horrible."
19. And the phlegm fetish.
"I had an ex who liked to suck zits off of girls' bodies, and use their phlegm for his personal pleasure while touching himself. It was gross."
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.