Recently Reddit user u/Roxane-Rose posed the question: "What is the worst part of being a parent?" A lot of parents didn't hold anything back and revealed the harsh reality of what it's truly like raising kids.
So, here are some brutally honest stories about parenting, and the stress that comes along with it:
Note: Some stories include topics of verbal abuse. Please proceed with caution.
1. "Do you have hobbies? Do you have friends? Forget all that — I'm not kidding. Once you have kids, your friends will disappear almost immediately, you will no longer have the energy for your hobbies, and your own parents WILL NOT be as helpful as you assume they are going to be. So, prepare yourself. Sometimes all you will want is a couple of hours to breathe, and you will not be able to have this. Even if someone watches your kids for a short time, they will be texting you a lot of questions — and it will be annoying to you (but you will be worried, too). It is completely and totally mentally and emotionally draining. I LOVE my kids, but they burn you out to your core."
"By the time they are old enough to be a bit more independent, you will wake up and realize you don't even know who you are anymore. Your friendships are gone, nothing is interesting anymore, and all you really know is a constant and aching exhaustion.
It's a noble undertaking, because it really does require that you be almost totally selfless. When older people tell you: 'It's a big commitment!' they need to go into detail, and be realistic about it."
2. "A while back I boarded a four-hour flight with my 2-year-old and my 6-month-old. As we were taking off, I got the nastiest headache — about 20 minutes later I'm full-on nauseous with body aches, chills, — the works. Just fucking miserable, and mind you, I was on a long plane ride with two young kids. It was literally hell. The first thing I did when I got home was take a COVID test, and almost immediately, I was positive. It was one of the single worst travel experiences of my life (at least I was wearing a mask, but damn). Having my kids get COVID after me was definitely anxiety-inducing."
3. "Lack of sleep impacts your ability to do everything else, so that’s the first thing. The second thing, for me, is when they have a full-on breakdown. They don’t want to get in the bath on the one day you actually have to be somewhere — I look at them and really miss only taking care of me. I still love them, do not regret them, and would never ever tell them, but they make things so much harder than it needs to be. They do not give a crap about any priorities other than their own, and when that happens, I do some deep breathing and remind myself that they’re just little kids. Of course, they don’t care about making other people wait."
4. "The patience part is my weakness. I’m not patient, and I have super high standards no child can meet and I forget that constantly. I forget that it’s normal for kids to have to be told shit over and over and over again, and it makes me lose my shit to repeat myself about things I think humans should just innately know. I’ve never been cut out for parenthood."
5. "My husband and I recently took our first trip sans kids since we became parents 11 years ago (possibly the only trip like that we'll have until they're grown). We went on a cruise, and on a beautiful night we went out on the deck. My brain immediately thought about how easy it would be for a kid to climb over the railing and fall overboard. Then my brain decided to think in detail about what actions I should take should that happen — do you jump in after them? Because you're both going to die — thanks, brain. You're an asshole."
6. "The strain it can put on your relationship. My wife had serious postpartum depression that she took out on me, and we were both pretty immature when our child was born. For the first eight months she could barely take care of herself, and I had a very demanding job that left me on edge when I'd get home. After a lot of fights and a strained relationship, we slowly grew and came out a lot stronger than we were. Despite the hardships, I'm overjoyed over our child. I'm glad we were pretty young so that we will have more time with him, and we're trying for another. Life changes dramatically, and it's impossible to be ready for it."
7. "[Preparing] the meals and snacks exhaust me. I constantly bring snacks everywhere when they are toddlers, and now that they are almost teenagers, they are hungry all of the time. It never stops. I'm always at the grocery store or planning meals or cooking meals — it's awful!"
"You forgot that sometimes they ask for something, so you go out of your way to get it. Then, they take a bite and decide they didn't actually want it (well, sometimes they don't even do the bite part)."
8. "Some days, due to any factors (no energy, stress due to finances, etc.), you just can't deal with them. You don't have the energy to play with them, and with any small thing that irritates you, you will yell at them for stupid reasons. You'll tell them to play alone to stop disturbing you. They will be sad, and you will feel like shit afterwards. You will feel like you failed, but mentally you could not deal with them — but, they are young, and you are the only person there for them. So, you will feel like a failure. Those days are the worst, you already feel like shit due to outside factors, and then on top of those feelings, you believe you're failing as a parent."
9. "Getting injured at the most inconvenient times. My wife and I had the flu this winter, and my 3-year-old decided she was going to help us feel better at 3:30 a.m. by making us tea. She got out of bed, went to the kitchen, and dropped a glass teapot on the floor, lacerating her feet. So, I had the flu at the hospital while my daughter got stitches."
10. "Let me preface this by saying I love my kids more than I love anything in this world, and in no way regret having them. But, the worst part of being a parent for me is a tie between when I’m trying to have sex and they come knocking on my door, or start fighting with each other over something silly. They'll throw screaming tantrums in the middle of the store, and won’t stop or listen."
11. "Not me, but my best friend told me the thing he hates the most about being a parent is just not having any money for him to spend on his wife. Before they had kids, he would surprise her with little gifts every now and again, and it would make her so happy. He's starting to feel bad now that he can't do that anymore."
12. "If you're trying to be a good, active, and involved parent, everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) you do will revolve around your kids. My wife had a son before I came along, and even before we got married, I made a lot of changes to my personal life and schedule so that I could be around for him and help her when she needed it. You won't be doing things for yourself much anymore (aside from the occasional date night or treat), and everything you do will be for their betterment or to give them opportunities. Your social life will suffer, and you'll miss out on a lot of things you thought you'd have time for when you were younger. Everything becomes about them, and what YOU want may not necessarily be what's most important anymore."
13. "I have a 5-month-old baby who needs me at every moment of the day. I can sometimes get away with leaving him alone during the last hour of his afternoon nap (with the baby monitor on, as he's started rolling and it frightens me) — but that's it. He needs his mama at all times, and throws a fit for anyone else. He won't even really eat or sleep when his grandma takes care of him. I foresee his first month of nursery school being very unpleasant."
14. "Repeating myself [to my children]. Constantly asking to 'please don't touch X, please clean up your toys or mess, etc..' It emotionally gets so old so fast. Eventually, we just turn off the TV and take away toys that haven't been picked up. Sometimes it's time-out by sitting on the couch — it really shows me that kiddos listen and understand enough to try to be mindful."
15. "Feeling unappreciated. My husband is amazing, takes care of everything, shows me love every day. But the boys? Ya…they are little and self-centered. I realize this is age-appropriate, but it still sucks sometimes."
16. "As a parent of two young kids, it's the noise. There's a ton of screaming, yelling, banging objects on the table, and just noise in general. Add in a well-meaning, prank gift from a relative that makes more noise, and watch a parent die inside. I can't speak on older kids yet, but I'd assume the stage kids go through right around middle school/early high school is bad. It's a mix of hormones, self-discovery, independence, and dealing with peer pressure. It's a lot to live through, but I can only imagine how the parents probably feel taking all of that on, too."
17. "I stopped all of my hobbies because I'm constantly worrying about my kids' well-being. I used to ride motorcycles and dirt bikes, I used to play in an adult hockey league, and I used to love seeing a concert or sporting events. I'd have a few [drinks] and take public transport back — but not anymore. And I won't until they're 100% capable of living without my support. I’m 42, and my four sons range from 10 years old to 19 years old. It’s gonna be another 20 years before I get on a bike again — I love them, but it sucks."
18. And finally: "The worst part about being a parent is realizing that you're never going to be perfect for them. You're only human. You're weak, you're tired, you're fallible — just like them. And as such, you'll do/not do something, and you'll blow it out of proportion and crucify yourself and forget that you're human, too. And in that moment, in that lapse of judgment, you'll regret yelling at them. You'll wish you played with them better, you'll regret getting frustrated and impatient, and you'll regret criticizing them. You'll miss them, wherever they are, however old they are."
Note: Some stories have been edited for length and/or clarity.