We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the craziest thing they've witnessed in a college dorm room. Here are the beautiful results.
1. The dramatic squatter.
I was in an all female open triple my freshman year of college. One of my drama major roommates walked in, looked around, and announced, "Oh my god, guys! Don't look, I'm totally going to change my tampon!" She then proceeded to squat between our beds in the middle of the room, pull out her tampon, and shove a new one in. She then tossed the bloody one in the communal trash.
—Kaitlin Powers, Facebook
2. The poop bandit.
My dorm building had an anonymous poop bandit. He made a habit of shitting in the stairwells on a regular basis, and even left obscure notes taped on the doors. One of them said, "You won't know where, you won't know when, but I will strike again. Signed, The Poop Bandit."
3. The ruined laptops.
After a night out at the bar, my friend returned completely obliterated. First he went over to his desk and relieved himself on his laptop. He must have realized he wasn't in front of the toilet because he then switched over to his roommate's desk, where he began to pee on his roommate's laptop. Finally, he found a spot he felt truly comfortable: his roommate's bed, where he was sound asleep. I'm sure waking up to your roommate peeing all over you is unpleasant.
4. The borrowed razor.
Unfortunately I caught my roommate shaving his balls with the razor I used on my face. He then admitted to me that he used it over a dozen times.
5. The oily massage.
After eating lunch with my best friend at Chipotle, I walked into my dorm to find my four roommates sitting naked on my blue rug, oiling each other's backs, and eating sushi. They also poured salsa all over my bedspread because they were mad at me for not inviting them to lunch.
6. The spreading vomit.
The night I moved back into my dorm after winter break, I came back to a very stressful situation. One of my roommates was apparently drinking all day and vomited literally everywhere in our dorm. She spewed all over the kitchen floor, the bathroom, and the worst place: my other roommate's bed. We called maintenance to clean everything up, but a few days later I found dried up vomit in the bathroom. It was a great start to a new semester.
—Michelle Lewis, Facebook
7. The squirrel burglar.
A squirrel broke into my dorm because the screen in my window was broken. I woke up one morning and found him crawling around on the floor. Even after we caught him and kicked him out, he always came to my closed window looking for food.
8. The creamy cat.
One year my roommate took in a feral cat from the rain without my permission. She apparently fed it my coffee creamer and the cat puked all over my bed. It was the most disgusting moment of my college career.
9. The trapped tampon.
My roommate and her boyfriend were having sex while I was reading in bed. As I tried to read I heard my roommate say, "I think my tampon is still up there." She struggled to get it out, and then her boyfriend then bravely said, "I'll get it out for you." I mistakenly glanced over and saw his whole hand go up her you know what. He then yanked it out and threw it on the ground next to my bed. Her boyfriend threw the dirty tampon away the next morning because she was too grossed out to pick it up herself.
10. The very crossed line.
For some strange reason, my roommate thought it was acceptable to sit on my bed in her underwear, watch porn, and eat my Cheetos.
11. The sleepwalker.
I found out my first week of freshman year that my roommate was a sleepwalker. In the middle of the night she suddenly jumped on my bed and wiped her arms across my mattress cover. I screamed so loud that it startled her, but not enough to wake her up. I asked her what was going on and she replied, "I'm sorry! I spilled milk all over you and I need to wipe it." I did not sleep that night.
12. The naked surprise.
One night my weird roommate was cuddling with two guys on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed surrounded by white Christmas lights. As I climbed to the top, I felt a foot in my bed and out of nowhere, a fully naked man emerged. I dropped down and asked my roommate why there was naked man in my bed. She looked at me incredulously, and said, "What's the big deal? I told him not to masturbate or anything." We were not roommates the following semester.
13. The peeper.
Since my roommate was in class, I was just walking around my dorm naked. I eventually got dressed, got my books out, and sat at my desk to do my homework. I then saw my roommate's boyfriend peek over her bed and say, "Good morning!" He pretended to take a nap, but he totally saw me naked.
14. The bloody mattress.
I opened my door to find a few members of the maintenance staff standing there. One of them said, "I think it's this room. Do you mind if we check your bed?" I was confused but invited them in. She then proceeded to lift the mattress and found a humongous bloodstain smack in the middle. It looked like a total murder scene. She angrily nodded to the maintenance guys and asked if they could take it. I had the sudden urge to take a shower and buy some new sheets.
15. The worst small talk ever.
It wasn't uncommon that my roommate and her boyfriend had sex, so walking in on them didn't surprise me at all. But one particular time, her boyfriend asked me about my classes and had a full on conversation with me while he was having sex with her. I grabbed by laptop and darted into the common room.
16. The midnight taxpayer.
My roommate and I woke up in the middle of the night to a random clicking noise in our room, and found some random girl shutting our door. She sat down at my roommate's computer and started furiously typing. I asked her what she was doing in our room, and she responded with, "Don't worry, I'm fixing your taxes." I yelled at her, which woke up my roommate, but she still didn't budge. My roommate went back to sleep and the girl just casually walked out of the room.
17. And the pee in a box.
My friend's roommate came home really drunk one night. She took out her makeup wipe container, peed in it, and then put it back in her drawer.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.