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17 College Hookup Horror Stories That'll Make You Feel Better About Yourself

"I was 'tossing his salad' when I noticed blood everywhere. Turns out my nose started bleeding."

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1. The window wailer.

I was a total hermit in the freshman dorms and never really left my room. One time when my roommate was out of town, I invited a friend over. We were getting down, and I started getting louder and louder. Slowly I started to hear laughter, then people cheering me on. I realized my window was open. Everybody on my floor had their windows open too. It was mortifying to realize every person I managed to avoid all year knew just what I sounded like while doing the nasty.



2. The busted bathroom sink.

I was getting hot and heavy with someone in a bathroom. We ended up breaking the sink and it completely came out of the wall. Did I mention it was my best friend's house? My hookup buddy and I chipped in $100 for my friend to fix it.


3. The peeing party.

One night I was at the same party as my ex for the first time since we broke up. I was absolutely hammered and so was he. By the end of the night I walked up to a guy he hates and started hooking up with him right in front of my ex. When I pulled away to see the look on my ex's face, he was hysterically laughing. I followed his gaze and I saw that the guy pissed himself while we were making out. I was absolutely mortified.


4. The admitted-student walk of shame.

I spent the night with a senior boy while I was a freshman. I woke up and was shocked at how hot it was outside, so I didn't cover up my scandalous getup with the winter coat I brought with me the night before. On the 15-minute walk home, I found myself smack in the middle of Admitted Student Day. All the prospective students and their parents got to witness my walk of shame in a body-con dress and last night's smeared makeup.



5. The bloody salad.

I met this guy online and we hit it off quite well. I went over to his house and things started to get a bit hot and heavy. I was "tossing his salad" when I noticed blood everywhere. It turns out my nose started bleeding. I grabbed my T-shirt to discreetly wipe off the blood, but he turned around and was completely freaked out. We never spoke again.


6. The vile vomit suit.

On a drunken night I decided to meet up with a really cute guy from one of my classes. I could tell he was into me, so I brought him back to my place. We started making out, but I randomly started puking on his nice suit. Then I proceeded to puke on his lap and his suit pockets. He asked me to go out on a date the next night out of politeness, but it didn't last.


7. The snow day disaster.

On a snow-day I hooked up with a guy who lived in my apartment complex. Immediately after it was over, he got up and left. As he opened the door to leave, my cat bolted outside. Wearing just a tank top and underwear, I went out to grab the cat, but my door closed and locked behind me. I tried yelling for the guy, but he was already gone. So there I was: locked out of my apartment, practically naked, holding my cat in the snow, post hit-and-quit. I'm not sure who it was more awkward for: me or the maintenance man who had to let me back in.



8. The white beard.

After me and some guy finished having sex, he walked out of my room and told my floormate he still had cum on his beard from eating me out. I don't remember him eating me out, though.


9. The questionable chicken fingers.

Freshman year I was at a house party dancing with a girl. Very regrettably, I began to finger her right there in front of the other partygoers. The next thing I knew, I was sitting at Raising Cane's eating some delicious chicken fingers. While doing so, I realized that I never washed my hands. I haven't eaten chicken fingers since.


10. The split lip.

I was talking to a guy at my school for weeks and the sexual tension was ridiculous. The only problem was he had a bit of a snaggletooth. One night, things were getting pretty heavy while we were making out on my couch. I guess I got too into it because I started to taste blood. I busted my lip on his tooth and was bleeding everywhere.



11. The Family Guy kiss.

The night before winter break, I finally got the courage to hook up with this cute guy in my dorm building. We were hanging out in my room. Eventually the clothes were shed and things got pretty hot and heavy, when all of a sudden he started laughing. I was completely confused and asked him what happened, and he said nothing. Two minutes later he was laughing again and I caught him looking across the room. While we were hooking up I realized he was watching Family Guy the entire time on mute. It was awful.


12. The bad gag reflex.

I hooked up with my friend who I called Grandpa because he was wearing a "World's Best Grandpa" T-shirt when we first met. We ended up having sex, and multiple people walked in on us. My sorority sisters yelled from the hallway, "Get off my sister!" and he replied with "She's on me!" Then he finished in my mouth, and I threw up all over his crotch.


13. The disappearing act.

In my dorm room one night I was making out with some guy, and I suddenly had to go to the bathroom. I walked to the bathroom, which was connected to my room. When I was done, I went back to my room and he wasn't there. I was confused and ended up falling asleep in my bed. The next day I texted him to make sure everything was OK. It turned out I had been gone for 30 minutes. He got up to check on me and see if I was all right but apparently I wasn't in the bathroom, so he left, which leaves me wondering: If I was butt-naked and not in the bathroom, where the hell did I go?



14. The unknown selfie.

My one-night stand called her mom right after we finished to tell her she finally had sex. Apparently she took a picture of the two of us in bed and sent it to her. She also sent it to her best friend, who was in my class, and she told everybody.


15. The tricky tampon.

One night I accidentally had sex with a tampon in and then had to wait in the ER for nine hours to get it removed.


16. The fisherman.

After an all-night party, I hooked up with someone in my dorm room. When we finished, we couldn't find the condom and figured it just slipped off. We were in bed trying to sleep when I get a weird feeling in my downstairs region. I reached down and pulled the condom out of me. It was so awkward.



17. And the unholy backseat.

At a town bar one night I met someone really cute. We couldn't wait to go back to our dorms, so we parked his car in an empty lot and hopped in the back. About 10 minutes in we heard a knock on the window; we saw a cop shining his flashlight and telling us to leave. My hookup buddy hopped in the front seat and started driving away while he was still naked. He drove to a hotel parking lot while I frantically threw my clothes on in the back. When we were both fully clothed and driving away from where we got caught, we realized it was actually church parking lot. I felt so bad, but I thanked Jesus that the windows were too fogged up for the cop to see inside.


Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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