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1. A Rose family-printed phone case to protect their most precious device. Otherwise, how would they call Stavros to come get them in his jet?
2. A "Love that journey for me" keyring they can carry with them on all their journeys, even if it's just to pick up some soap at Rose Apothecary or get a smoothie from Twyla (be careful).
3. A truly amazing apron to remind them of the most important step in making their family's famous enchilada recipe.
4. Or an equally adorable sticker offering the same ~cheesy~ advice.
5. A romantic stamped cuff bracelet that'd be a perfect gift for your S.O., especially your butter-voiced beau.
6. A high-fashion David Rose sweater pin for anyone who understands David's clothes a little better than Patrick's parents do.
7. The Funko Pop! figure of their fave character they've literally wanted since they first watched the pilot.
8. A stylish Rose Apothecary sweatshirt to help them celebrate an establishment that's ~simply the best~.
9. Or an "Ew, David" sweatshirt that should only be gifted to someone who will automatically read it in Alexis's voice (which is basically anyone who's seen the show).
10. A David quote mug that is a very big social distancing mood.
11. A cheeky door mat for anyone looking to send a message to their future guests other than "tweet us on Facebook!"
12. A detailed set of coasters that were definitely thought out much more clearly than the ones Johnny tried to have made for the motel. I mean, you can still tweet them on Facebook if you want.
13. A vinyl sticker commemorating the two greatest insults ever spoken.
14. Or a sassy magnet to express the same sentiment to their roommate headed to the fridge to steal their leftovers.
15. A cozy Rose Apothecary throw blanket that deserves to be displayed in the front of the store, right next to the plungers.
16. An initial necklace just like Alexis has, befitting any Lamborghini/Hollywood Star.
17. A pair of squee-worthy David and Patrick stud earrings for anyone who fully ugly cried through the whole wedding.
18. A minimal-chic Rose Apothecary soy candle available in the scent of your choice, but no matter which you choose, it will smell about as flammable as drunk Stevie.
19. A Moira Rose for town council pin for anyone who's ready to participate in a slightlyyyyy less stressful election (not to minimize the drama of "stolen" lawn signs, of course).
20. A genuinely incredible The Crows Have Eyes 3: The Crowening T-shirt to gift to your brave friend who survived the harrowing premiere of the instant horror classic.
21. A LOL-worthy wineglass that'll be a huge mood when you reach for a bottle of Herb Ertlinger's finest.
22. A fun tote bag even more awesome than the ones they give out at Rose Apothecary, because it's covered with delightful quotes and artwork references from every season of the show.
23. A useful Rosebud Motel notepad they can use to draft to-do lists for Roland, take messages for Ted's clinic, and jot down all their meetings etcetera.
24. An enamel pin featuring one of the greatest lines in television history (yes, even better than anything ever said on Sunrise Bay).
25. A colorful "I am positively bedeviled with meetings etcetera" sticker they can pop on their computer to let people know that their to-do list couldn't possibly take any Moira-dditions.
26. A pair of David Rose-worthy round sunglasses that would pair perfectly with any number of black and white sweaters or a Café Tropical baseball tee.
27. A set of favorite quote pencils any student in Jocelyn's classroom or at Elmdale college (or pretty much anywhere else) will be able to put to good use.
28. An empowering sticker emblazoned with another one of my favorite lines in the entire show, for anyone who has ever suffered heartbreak at the hands of Sebastien Raine.
29. A chic onesie for any bébé who wishes Moira could be their godmother (ummm...does it come in grown-up sizes?).
30. A chic art board print honoring an acclaimed actress and the last four digits of her husband's credit card.
31. A fun set of sticker sheets with several of the show's best quotes in illustrated form. They should go ahead and decorate everything in their life with them so everyone will know their taste is as good as David's (though that may result in them getting dragged on some unwanted trips to the Blouse Barn).
32. A fabulous graphic tee paying homage to the best critically reviewed reality show of all time that'll remind you hide both your diamonds AND your exes.
33. A stamped "Ew, David" necklace that's delicate enough for them to wear it as an everyday homage to their favorite show.
34. Or an "Ew, David" dad cap for anyone whose dad is the successful founder of Rose Video.
35. A punny "Funds n' Roses" scented candle with notes of fruit wines, fitness cults, and milk money to help them cultivate an entrepreneurial spirit that Johnny and Ronnie alike would support.
36. And an iconic Schitt's Creek town sign canvas print featuring the Rose family that's perfect for anyone who missed this sweet last shot of the finale because their eyes were too puffy from crying, which...understandable.
When someone says there's such a thing as too many Schitt's-related prezzies:
