1. Email your dad.
in 2011 i got drunk and sent my dad an email that said 'your dog is irritating !!!' with the subject line 'i hat the dog'
2. Buy domain names.
oh god i got drunk and incurred a lifetime digital responsibility again
3. Admit your darkest trolling secrets on a date.
last night I got drunk and told my okcupid date about how I used to troll in MMORPG's and he said he didn't play them bc of people like me
4. Sign up for a game show.
the other night i got drunk and signed up for "who wants to be a millionaire" and they just confirmed my audition. g2g learn every fact now
5. Bike home with a piece of pizza.
6. Get pizza to go.
last night i was so drunk i folded up a slice of shrimp pizza n put it in my purse
7. Shop at questionable chain stores.
I need to confess that I got drunk and spent $230 at the Williamsburg urban outfitters yesterday
8. Talk about Limp Bizkit.
in doing a quick cycle back over my own tweets, it appears I got drunk and chatted it up about limp bizkit
9. Ask a reasonable question.
One time I got drunk and asked Steve Aoki if he gets to eat at any Benihana for free. He wasn't happy about that.
10. Try to talk to cops.
11. Catch a whiff of a Hot Pocket.
12. Interact with any extended family members.
once my aunt found me when I was drunk and she made me come home and
13. Order pizza and then use the slice as a pillow, even if you are just really, really sleepy and just need to rest your eyes for a minute.
14. Try to buy anything.
Once I was so drunk I tried to put my iphone into a card machine to pay for a drink and I just could not understand why it wasn't working
15. Attempt to text.
I was so drunk I tried to retweet a text msg
16. Go to a restaurant.
#Imagine michael being drunk: '' WHERES MY PIZZA'' You: ur drunk its un ur head'' Michael: '' WHO IS HEAD?''
17. Think about Piers Morgan.
last night I was so drunk I almost got emotional about Piers Morgan, threw up and then passed out listening to White Flag by Dido