1. Best: “become a sucessful Web-Social Media strategist”. Whoever you are, reveal yourself so we can laugh at you
2. Bets: “Find Yvonne”. Yvonne - you reading this?
3. Best: “Fuck Laura”
4. Best: “lift five hundred pounds” Good luck, buddy. Call me if you need a spotter.
5. Best: “SHIT ON JOE DAGGETT’S FACE” Joe Daggett, watch your back (face?), this guy guy a high score.
6. Best: “whatever”
7. Best: “not work for assholes”.
8. Best: (Tie) “kiss a boy” & “meet Kate Upton”
9. Best: “get married” What is this, Pintrest?
10. Best: “Go to a Dubs game”. Pretty achievable. I like that.
11. Best: (Tie) “marry Jennifer Love Hewitt” & “blow a load over JLHewitt’s tits”
12. Best: “Fart for 7 seconds”. Godspeed.
13. Best: “fall in love”
14. Best: “Writing a pilot”. Maybe get off this video game and open a Word Doc.
15. Best: “become a fair housing manager”
16. Best: “be a Voice actor”
17. Best: “make love to Zooey Deschanel”
- President Trump has given House Republicans an ultimatum: Pass their health care bill Friday or he will move on to other issues.
- FBI agents posed as filmmakers to talk to armed militia during a standoff in Nevada, then used the footage against two men on trial in federal court.
- The suspect in the London terror attack near Parliament, who was killed by police, has been identified as 52-year-old Khalid Masood.
- A lawsuit has been filed against a renowned UC Berkeley professor who allegedly sexually harassed and assaulted a former student and employee.