59 Things Jake Johnson Smells Like

Based on briefly standing near him at a PR event.

Photo from aforementioned event; authors lurking out of frame. Mike Coppola / Via Getty Images Entertainment

1. Masculinity
2. Cedar, or maybe pine
3. Cloves
3. Cardamom
4. Hope
5. Probably “vetiver”
6. That sign from Love Actually that says “To me, you are perfect”
7. The act of chopping wood
8. Social justice
9. Motor oil
10. Crude oil
11. The constellation Orion
12. Black coffee
13. A handwritten grocery list
14. Artisanal cheese
15. A cornfield
16. Wind chimes
17. Lavender
18. Aubergine, the plant
19. Aubergine, the color
20. Idealism
21. Vengeance toward an ex
22. Halls honey-lemon cough drops
23. Carpenter jeans
24. Rocky road ice cream
25. A bonfire
26. Grass
27. Dawn, the time of day
28. Dawn, the dish soap
29. A bird made of hand-blown glass

30. A rainbow, but a rugged one
31. A bouquet of daffodils wrapped in flannel
32. Moss
33. Peppercorn
34. The lights going down just before the concert starts
35. Brad Pitt circa Legends of the Fall
36. Cacao
37. Gift wrap
38. The pool where you learned to swim
39. Fruit salad
40. A worn-in leather sofa
41. Ontology
42. The handsomest golden retriever
43. Fig
44. Fig Newtons
45. Clean laundry fresh out of a basket of kittens
46. Kale that’s been alchemized into a juicy steak
47. Patience
48. An almond
49. A wisp of pipe smoke
50. A glass of all of your dreams come true, stirred with a cinnamon stick
51. The Central Park Boathouse
52. Bulleit Bourbon
53. The words “Your package is out for delivery”
54. Milk
55. Pewter
56. Bramble
57. The library in Beauty and the Beast
58. Your favorite sweatshirt
59. Almost nothing; just enough to be wide-open with possibility

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