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    23 Ways To Feel More 22 Than Ever

    ♪ I don't know about you, but I'm feeling existential dread ♪

    1. Dress up like hipsters!

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    You’re young and vivacious and totally aware of irony. Rock an edgy camel toe on your next night out—quick, before it gets cool!

    2. Make fun of your exes!

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    Wouldn't it be so hilarious if you texted Jake right now? Offer to have a threesome with him and his new post-grad girlfriend, Miss "I Have Health Insurance and a Carefully Cultivated Social Media Presence." Ugh, screw her—literally!

    3. Eat breakfast at midnight!

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    WHY DOESN’T TACO BELL SERVE TACO BELL BREAKFAST PAST 11 AM? I WANT MY FREAKING FOURTHMEAL WITH EGGS

    4. Fancy up your futon!

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    Your parents’ basement has so much potential. Like seriously—what an amazing space. Peruse the ~home sweet home~ Pinterest board you created when you thought you’d have your own apartment and DIY that shit out of that swinger's pad!

    5. Adopt a kitten!

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    Then get overwhelmed by the responsibility and foist it on your 10-year-old cousin! Sorry, Aunt Denise!

    6. Revamp your resume!

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    Fill in the gaps of the your work experience with fun facts about your childhood. For example:

    May 2002, Suwanee Elementary

    Won second place in the school talent show for Fosse-inspired tumbling routine to S Club 7’s seminal hit, “Everybody Wants Ya,” performing in front of an audience of approximately 1100 students, parents, and faculty.

    June 2001, My House

    Found dead squirrel in my backyard so I took it inside and nestled it amongst my stuffed animals to see if my mom would notice but she never did.

    7. Start dating a Republican!

    Molly Robin / Via molly-robin.tumblr.com

    Now’s the time to try new things, and it’s not like you’re actually going to vote!! LIFE IS A HIGHWAY!!!

    8. Get a sassy new haircut!

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    Think Kate Gosselin circa 2007, or Eleanor Roosevelt circa 1943. #hairgoals

    9. Create a novelty instagram account!

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    Call it FUCKSWITHDUCKS. It’s just you doing a bunch of weird stuff with various rubber ducks. Every week you do #MallardCrushMonday, where you take a duckface selfie with a *real* duck. Formula for Insta-fame! Just sit back and watch those followers flock.

    10. Order a virgin cocktail!

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    The first fevered blush of legality has faded and it’s beginning to look a lot more like alcoholism, Karen.

    11. Shoplift!

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    At first it’s totally an accident—you honestly forgot you were still holding that chapstick!—but then you’ll realize how easy and exhilarating and fiscally responsible it is.

    12. Dance like nobody's watching!

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    But really, you know your neighbor Dan is watching. Drink it in, Dan. Drink. It. In.

    13. Experiment with magnets!

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    WHAT *CAN’T* THEY DO?

    14. Experiment with society!

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    Start slowly sawing off your leg in the middle of an Anthropologie and see how people react! Ask 100 strangers if you can wash their feet and then heal their uncle’s leprosy! Stand on a crowded street in front of a hidden camera and make out with your same sex partner while dressed as a homeless person and then kidnap a passing toddler! You Won’t Believe What Happened Next.

    15. Make a bucket list!

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    Your quarter-life crisis is nigh. Every day you crawl closer death’s musky Old Spice embrace. Number 1 on the list: BODY SHOTS.

    16. BODY SHOTS.

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    17. Coug it up!

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    Go to local college parties and reel in some rosy-cheeked freshmen with your sophisticated je ne sais quoi. Accentuate your burgeoning crow’s feet with sparkly eyeliner. Request that the DJ play “My Humps” so the youths can appreciate your sensual dance charisma and the swift descent of your cultural relevance.

    18. Read Sartre!

    Henri the Existentialist Cat / Via academicats.tumblr.com

    In a public setting, where people can be audibly impressed with your keen intellect and smooth-jazz turtleneck. Existentialism is the new essentialism, amirite?

    19. Read Seventeen!

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    In the privacy of your bedroom, where no one can see you experimenting with the “5 Smooching Moves That Will Drive Him WILD With Preteen Lust” on the back of your hand.

    20. Invest in crockpot!

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    Slow-cookers are both practical and chic.

    21. Just ditch the whole scene.

    Comedy Central

    “The scene” meaning parties, events, or any social function that requires vacating your bed and the thrilling “scene” you’re experiencing on this episode of Gossip Girl. Let the hours slip numbly by as you become more invested in the lives of shallow one-note fictional characters than anyone in the “real” (read: dull, difficult) world.

    22. Dream instead of sleep!

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    Who needs sleep when you’ve got the whole wet wild and wonderful world of your imagination to nourish you? Sleep-deprivation hallucinations are so much more vivid than regular dreams, and allow your subconscious to enlighten you in ways your unconscious never could. Some facts discovered after 72 hours without sleep: You have a second mouth instead of a bellybutton. You have an infinite number of nipples. Aunt Daisy was spiking your breast milk all along! Goats cannot be trusted.

    23. Just be yourself!

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    Being 22 usually means a lot failure and eating takeout you can barely afford. It's not what you expected. But still--you're in the prime of your youth! You've got your whole life ahead of you and no reason to do anything other than what really thrills you. So just do you, friend! YOU ARE FUCKING GREAT.

    But I mean honestly you should probably just try and emulate T-Swift.