1.
listen up everyone we're changing the century thing. from now on the 18th century means the 1800s, 17th century is 1700s, and so on. we're not doing the weird subtraction thing anymore. we're changing it. it's over
2.
anyone who was a “pleasure to have in class” has an anxiety disorder now
3.
Everyone has that one friend who you call by their last name 👏😂
4.
ur cousins are either ur bff’s or y'all don't fw each other at all
5.
Maybe people just want headphone jack on their phones
6.
people from high school get so bitter when you unfollow them on social media like sorry stacy i haven’t talked to you in 2 yrs and don’t really care to see how you’ve evolved from a bitch to a bitch who works for a pyramid scheme
7.
IF U UNPLUG THE WIFI BOX FOR 1 SEC THE WHOLE HOUSE ACT LIKE THEY BOUT 2 DIE YOU'LL SEE PPL COME OUT ROOMS YOU ANIT NVR SEEN BEFORE
8.
girls named megan are the worst because there are infinity ways to spell megan and every girl named megan is the kind of girl who gets extremely offended when you spell her name wrong. "uhhh it's meaghaheahn, dumass!" ok sorry maugenst please forgive me and also leave
9.
In my experience, adulthood is mostly piling stuff up on surfaces and then eventually having to clean off those surfaces
10.
Is your dad really your dad if he doesn’t say “who?” after talking about any of your friends even if he’s known them for literally 7 years??
11.
can anyone else confirm that girls have 4 types of showers, a “quick body wash”, a “hair and body shower”, a proper “exfoliate shave, moisturizer, hair mask, singalong” and then a “depressed leave me alone I wanna die” shower.
12.
I’m at the point in my life where I check my email as part of my social media line up
13.
i just wanna say i am SO thankful for fucking potatoes. they are literally good in any form?? french fries? smack. mashed potatoes? smack. baked potatoes? smack. tater tots? smack. skillet potatoes? SMACK. name a form of potatoes that isn’t good....i’ll wait
14.
if bohemian rhapsody starts playing and the person you’re with doesn’t start singing along and at least attempt the different voices, you really need to leave them alone. You just don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
15.
*Girls in the bathroom at the bar* omg you’re gorgeous, here use my makeup, screw your ex you’re so much better than him, add me on snap, ily5ever *Girls outside of the bathroom* if you bump into me one more time I’m going to fight you
16.
PSA: Don't EVER let your printer know that you've waited until the last minute to print something out and you're in hurry because they can sense fear.
17.
level 1: venting by crying level 10: venting by faking a conversation in your head with someone level 113: venting by creating an intricate alternate universe scenario in your head where you’re a celebrity on a talk show dramatically explaining the shit you’ve been going thru
18.
The most important thing I've learned in life, and I can't stress this enough: you gotta make a salad in a bigger bowl than you think
19.
FRIEND: so how are you? ME: I'm well, thanks! FRIEND: what's new? ME: not much! FRIEND: well, what have you been up to? ME: why are you doing this to me
20.
me at 16: leave me alone mom im an adult me at 23: mom if u dont come to the dentist with me ill end my shit
21.
I'm gonna be 89 years old in a retirement home and still be traumatized when I see back to school commercials