Skip To Content
  • lol badge

It's Miserable Outside, So Here Are 24 Tweets That Will At Least Make You Laugh

The weather outside is frightful, but Twitter is so delightful.



Seal? I haven't heard that name in years


My friend works at an ortho lab where patients can design their own retainers....


what a helpful recipe commenter


Therapist: What's wrong? Me: If I do the Borat voice once more, I'll be getting a divorce Therapist: And who told you that? Me: *tearfully clears throat*


some of u still don't eat the crust on ur pizza like absolute fucking cowards. it's just bread. are u a toddler? does ur mommy tuck u in? eat the crust stupid baby


I am not a good hugger. Tonight a friend hugged me and I dropped some crackers I was holding and just gently said “my crackers” while waiting for the hug to end


whenever i eat a brownie i just pretend it’s half of an even bigger brownie. look at me, only eating half a brownie. health goddess. wellness queen. walking chickpea.


the other day a bartender told me his high school did a performance of RENT where they couldn't say AIDS so all the characters had diabetes


some earrings i ordered on aliexpress never arrived and they asked for photo evidence???



Remember in 1997 when Brad Pitt was just minding his own business and Shania Twain dropped a fucking country diss track about how he doesn’t impress her?


[first date] HER: I'm really into philosophy. ME: [trying to impress] I don't even exist.


me, to plumber: I'm so sorry about the cat, he thinks everyone is his best friend plumber: it's okay, I'm used to people's cats. ::two minutes later, from the other room:: plumber: mister smitten, you are a born plumber; after this we will get a nice sandwich.


Mercutio, dying, yelling at both Tybalt and Romeo: Both your houses are fucking canceled


KID: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? ENDANGERED NORTHERN SPOTTED OWL: You cannot possibly think this is a priority for me.


I’m at an amateur wrestling event and there was a title match where they tried to throw a wrestler through a table but the table wouldn’t break so after three tries they GAVE THE TABLE THE BELT. Everyone’s chanting “TABLE! TABLE! TABLE!” and I’ve never felt more alive in my life.


ok seriously, u wanna know what brought real tears to my eyes this morning? it's this statue, which is 15 THOUSAND years old. an unthinkably long time ago somebody saw a bison licking his shoulder & was like “lol cute. look at him go. i’m gonna make a little statue about it”


my neighbor just told me about an alien sighting he had that was just a regular southwest boeing 737 in the sky but he said he could see into the cockpit with binoculars and there was an alien flying it


My friend just ended a relationship and is having doubts saying things like, “But where am I going to find another guy as obsessed with Star Wars and dogs as me?” And I’m trying so hard to be sympathetic but like, girl, anywhere.


In this tweet I’m an owl barber (tweet is already funny) and when I’m done trimming the owl I hold up a mirror behind owl’s head and he just slowly turns his head 180 degrees to face me and says “I fuckin love it”


me reading a scientific study: hmmm i am skeptical of this me finding a folded potato chip in the bag: ohhh time to make a wish


This is my favorite band break-up notice ever.


[my mom pretends to answer her phone] hello? oh hi Batman...i dunno if he's eating his vegetables or not me: [mouth full of broccoli] i am!