1.
Being in a relationship is just yelling "WHAT?" from different rooms for thirty years and then you die
2.
keeping our marriage fresh/exciting via texts
3.
Marriage is basically agreeing to not sleep in a comfortable position again for the rest of your life.
4.
Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
5.
My husband is on the roof - only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
6.
The secret to a successful long-term relationship is the ability to laugh at the same joke 3,682,000 times.
7.
a long term relationship means hearing "let me empty my butt before you shower" while still finding that other person sexually attractive
8.
9.
*pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower* me: Are we - stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?
10.
dating: its cute that you dont eat all the chicken off a wing marriage: there’s like $1.75 worth of chicken left on those bones, meghan
11.
*watching husband sleep* Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-" *husband snores* Me: "I can't live like this."
12.
[falling asleep] Him: *wraps his arms around me & softly kisses just below my ear* goodnight, my love Me: *reaches back to touch his face* get the fuck off my side of the bed
13.
Being in a long term relationship means getting into a fight while making quesadillas because there’s not enough cheese for the both of you
14.
Being married means every day is an episode of Amazing Race Couples Edition - only it's just me trying to find stuff my husband misplaced while he is behind me yelling "you threw it away didn't you?"
15.
I came home and it took me 45 mins to find my wife. She is hiding in this couch. Pro tip: Marry your best friend.
16.
Writing a love poem called "Put the Dishes in the Dishwasher, but Not Like That."
17.
Husband 1st year of marriage: I don't want a TV in bedroom & let's not eat in bed. Me 14th year of marriage: hahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha
18.
My marriage has turned into a nightly routine of my wife and I running down the list of reasons we should go to bed early so we can wake up and get shit done the next day, then by the 675th cat gif on reddit we both yell “how the fuck is it 3am?!” Worth it. I love her.