1. On knowing the future:
I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.
2. On good ideas:
Bears just sleep throughout the entire winter and I can't think of anything more logical in the entire universe.
3. On preparations:
"Squirrels have to rely on getting fat to survive the winter," I say eating a donut sandwich.
4. On migration:
Fox: Winter is here. We need a plan to survive. Bear: I have a great idea! We just sleep until spring. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
5. On the sun:
summer: wait its midnight alredy?? the sun hasn't even set yet!! lol winter: HOW. HOW IS IT NOT EVEN 8PM. THE SUN SET LIKE 5 DAYS AGO
6. On commuting:
winter transit tips: - bring a coffee - dress warm - listen to soothing music - stay home - don't go - it's going to suck, don't go
7. On living your best life:
"What have you been doing over winter break?" Me:
8. On flu shots:
Make sure you get your flu shot to protect yourself this winter from Taylor Swift's sick beat.
9. On winter fashion:
Me in the summer: *cute dress* *cute hair* * cute makeup* *so cute* Me in the winter: *a sobbing pile of sweaters*
10. On aesthetics:
look for winter 2017 is "large sleeping bag come partially to life"
11. On differences:
How different species deal with Winter: Birds - fly south Bears - hibernate Humans - complain
12. On little pleasures:
Yelling "WE CAN ALL SEE YOU ASSHOLE!" to someone wearing camouflage winter clothing in the snow is extremely satisfying.
13. On romance:
What are you looking for? - Friendship - Casual dating - Relationship - Warmth to help survive the winter
14. On driving:
Winter wonderlands: Great for walking in, bullshit for driving through.
15. On steeling yourself:
You know it's winter when you look at the toilet seat with disdain knowing "it's going to be cold to sit on you".
16. On life lessons:
Me: Do you know why it snows during the winter? 4-year-old: Because Elsa gets mad.
17. On reptiles:
Winter weather makes my hands look like a bouquet of lizard dicks
18. On tourism:
winter's fun cuz it's like "hey everyone welcome to Depression Town I am the mayor and i live here all of the time always. by myself. hello"
19. On the bright side:
Silver lining: winter coat season is also 'no need to put on a bra to run errands' season.
20. On impatience:
Snow gently falling. December: winter wonderland March: Fuck off already!
21. On fitness:
Stay fit this winter; keep the Doritos in your kitchen instead of next to your bed so you have to walk a little to get them.
22. On being realistic:
[me in winter] I'll work out when it's warmer [me in beautiful spring] I'll work out when... you know. When I feel like it.
23. And on what's bound to happen in spring:
[after months of bitter winter cold] Nice, it’s finally warm! [next day] It’s too hot