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23 Funny Tweets About Trying To Make It Through The Cold, Dark Winter

"Bears just sleep throughout the entire winter and I can't think of anything more logical in the entire universe."

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1. On knowing the future:

I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.

2. On good ideas:

Bears just sleep throughout the entire winter and I can't think of anything more logical in the entire universe.

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3. On preparations:

"Squirrels have to rely on getting fat to survive the winter," I say eating a donut sandwich.

4. On migration:

Fox: Winter is here. We need a plan to survive. Bear: I have a great idea! We just sleep until spring. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?

5. On the sun:

summer: wait its midnight alredy?? the sun hasn't even set yet!! lol winter: HOW. HOW IS IT NOT EVEN 8PM. THE SUN SET LIKE 5 DAYS AGO

6. On commuting:

winter transit tips: - bring a coffee - dress warm - listen to soothing music - stay home - don't go - it's going to suck, don't go

7. On living your best life:

"What have you been doing over winter break?" Me:

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8. On flu shots:

Make sure you get your flu shot to protect yourself this winter from Taylor Swift's sick beat.

9. On winter fashion:

Me in the summer: *cute dress* *cute hair* * cute makeup* *so cute* Me in the winter: *a sobbing pile of sweaters*

10. On aesthetics:

look for winter 2017 is "large sleeping bag come partially to life"

11. On differences:

How different species deal with Winter: Birds - fly south Bears - hibernate Humans - complain

12. On little pleasures:

Yelling "WE CAN ALL SEE YOU ASSHOLE!" to someone wearing camouflage winter clothing in the snow is extremely satisfying.

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13. On romance:

What are you looking for? - Friendship - Casual dating - Relationship - Warmth to help survive the winter

14. On driving:

Winter wonderlands: Great for walking in, bullshit for driving through.

15. On steeling yourself:

You know it's winter when you look at the toilet seat with disdain knowing "it's going to be cold to sit on you".

16. On life lessons:

Me: Do you know why it snows during the winter? 4-year-old: Because Elsa gets mad.

17. On reptiles:

Winter weather makes my hands look like a bouquet of lizard dicks

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18. On tourism:

winter's fun cuz it's like "hey everyone welcome to Depression Town I am the mayor and i live here all of the time always. by myself. hello"

19. On the bright side:

Silver lining: winter coat season is also 'no need to put on a bra to run errands' season.

20. On impatience:

Snow gently falling. December: winter wonderland March: Fuck off already!

21. On fitness:

Stay fit this winter; keep the Doritos in your kitchen instead of next to your bed so you have to walk a little to get them.

22. On being realistic:

[me in winter] I'll work out when it's warmer [me in beautiful spring] I'll work out when... you know. When I feel like it.

23. And on what's bound to happen in spring:

[after months of bitter winter cold] Nice, it’s finally warm! [next day] It’s too hot

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