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34 Things That Scare The Absolute Shit Out Of Canadians

Going to Coffee Time at two in the morning.

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1. When you haven't put the winter tires on your car yet but the weather forecast calls for snow.

2. Waking up to the first snowfall of the season, but you can't remember where you put your winter boots at the start of last spring.

3. When the auto-defrost in your car doesn't kick in fast enough.

4. Walking across an unsalted part of the sidewalk on a cold winter day.

5. Getting a piece of mail from the Canada Revenue Agency.

6. When you get to the front of the Tim Hortons line and they tell you that they've run out of your regular order, and you have to figure out what else to get with a dozen people lined up behind you.

7. When you get to the front of the Shoppers Drug Mart line and you realize you forgot to get your Shoppers Optimum card out and you have to search through your bag while the cashier looks at you impatiently.

8. When a store doesn't take Interac.

9. When you've already started boiling the Kraft Dinner and you realize you forgot to get milk.


10. When there's finally an empty seat next to you on the VIA train, but the train stops to pick up more passengers.

11. Receiving the "You've used 90% of your monthly data allowance" text from your cell phone provider, and there's still a week left in the billing period.

12. When a TV show you want to watch is only available on an American channel, but 30 seconds before the episode is supposed to start, the channel is still showing the Canadian feed.

13. When someone holds the door open for you but you're so far away that you know you'll have to lightly jog the rest of the way.

14. When someone mentions a Canadian celebrity, but they keep talking and the conversation moves on before you get the chance to point out that the celebrity is Canadian.

15. When a Canada goose notices you and starts walking towards you.

16. When several other Canada geese notice what the first one is doing and also start walking toward you.

17. When you buy something online and realize too late that the price was in U.S. dollars.

18. When you order a bunch of stuff from the U.S., and the delivery person tells you that you still owe customs fees when it's finally arrived.

19. When you say "sorry" to someone who bumped into you, but then they also say "sorry" and you have to keep saying "sorry" to each other until you're out of earshot.

20. When you visit a completely different region of Canada and you have no idea what any of their slang means.

21. Trying to drive through traffic to the cottage during the May 2-4 weekend.

22. Going to Coffee Time at 2 a.m.

23. Needing something from a tall rack in Canadian Tire and being forced to talk to a salesperson to help you get it down.

24. When you're singing along to "One Week" and it gets to the "Chickity China, the Chinese Chicken" part and you don't know the rest of the lyrics.

25. Going to Value Village the night before Halloween to find a costume, and realizing everyone else in the world also had the same idea.

26. When other people find out that you hate a Canadian celebrity that everyone else likes.

27. Crossing the Canada/U.S. border in your car, even though you have nothing illegal in your possession.

28. And then remembering that you left a Kinder Surprise under the back seat.

29. When someone in the office coughs before you've had a chance to go get your free flu shot.

30. When you let your health card expire and you can't go renew it for a few days, so you just have to hope that you don't get into a terrible accident before then.

31. Sending a text without realizing that autocorrect changed everything to U.S. spelling.

32. Being asked how to spell "Iqaluit."

33. Trying to leave a party without being noticed, but then having to find your Canada Goose jacket among the dozens of identical Canada Goose jackets.

34. Three words: "Honeymoon in Saskatoon."