Buzz·Posted on Aug 5, 201831 Tweets About Being Single"Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant, and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant."by Kat AngusBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. em @emmabetsinger There’s plenty of fish in the sea but you know what else there is? Trash. There is a lot of trash in the sea. 11:44 PM - 07 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Your Name Here @notittryagain My dogs are all “Girl, you are awesome. Why are you single?” And I’m all “Probably because I have conversations with my dogs, dudes.” 05:57 PM - 01 Jan 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. the hippo account @InternetHippo *gets into a relationship* This is bad *becomes single* Hmm this is bad too *looks in a mirror* Oh I see the problem now 01:55 PM - 26 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Matt Fernandez @FattMernandez Being 30 and single is like being at a petting zoo that just has tarantulas and feral cats. 02:57 PM - 21 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Maggie Sage Hunter @swaggie_hunter Who are we? SINGLE YOUNG PROFESSIONALS What do we want? FOR PERISHABLE GROCERIES TO BE SOLD IN SMALLER PORTION SIZES 01:35 AM - 23 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. AALIYAH @NOTORIOUSAALI COACHES DON’T PLAY. https://t.co/fwOWlRc2ta 07:01 PM - 09 Mar 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. pandamusk @pandamusk Valentine's Day plan: 1. Breakfast in bed 2. Chocolates 3. Watch movie 4. Dinner for two. 5. Regret eating two dinners. 6. Cry alone. 03:53 AM - 12 Feb 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant 07:00 AM - 05 Nov 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Shira @shiraselko Being single is cool bc you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss 03:54 AM - 03 Oct 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Randi Lawson @RandiLawson Gather 'round you single losers so I can throw my used flowers at you -Brides 02:35 AM - 01 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Dani Fernandez @msdanifernandez him: your single? why? me: you're* 10:33 PM - 03 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Babs Gray @BabsGray so if i spend my time eating cheese, watching Netflix, n having orgasms alone, i'm 'depressed', but if someone else is there i'm 'in love' ? 06:01 PM - 28 Mar 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Jebby @Jennuflect [me as a DJ] Where my single ladies at? *drunk responses* This one's for you *turns off music, serious tone* This is a bad place to meet men 11:56 PM - 18 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Pin Up Teacher @pinupteacher Someone asked me if I'm ever scared that I'll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my dog was RIGHT THERE. 08:56 PM - 07 Dec 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Ella Cerón @ellaceron Love is never having to say you're sorry. Being single is never having to say you're sorry for sleeping diagonally. 04:18 AM - 09 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Donna Thorpe @DottyThorpe Dr: what are you using for birth control? Me: Just who I am as a person 03:40 PM - 14 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Robin McCauley Lynch @RobinMcCauley Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me. 05:29 PM - 05 Mar 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Peter Smithson @P_Smithson 9 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times. 11:09 AM - 14 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. 🌟 @rybvnks single but i’m still unavailable. 02:43 PM - 02 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. B. @Ticklemelili So I’m @ the bank waiting in line & the guy in front of me is spitting game to the teller, she’s laughing & he’s attractive so I can tell she’s digging it, he asks her if he can take her out and she says “with what? The whole $11.96 you got in your account?” SON, my chest 😭 07:21 PM - 26 Jan 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Hannah Giorgis @ethiopienne me realizing i have a crush on someone 05:25 PM - 09 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. helen @helen 10:42 PM - 20 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Tsume @TsumeAlphaWolf When a friend asks me when was the last time I got laid 11:12 AM - 23 Feb 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. Julieanne Smolinski @BoobsRadley A lot of being single and living alone is learning to keep the place nice "for you," and "the people who would find your body if you died." 09:23 PM - 30 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. Megan Amram @meganamram Valentine's Day really separates the men from the boys, and then separates me from both of them in a third location 01:47 AM - 15 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. Mike Bianchi @Mike_Bianchi Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop. 12:50 AM - 01 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. conan gray @conangray so crazy to think about how my future significant other is currently out there, in the world, wondering why they have no arms or legs or body at all and no conscience because they don’t actually exist and i’m gonna be alone forever 06:13 PM - 30 Dec 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. Sam Grittner @SamGrittner Being single is the best. So much time to do what you want. Think and reflect. Stare into the void and try to remember what touch felt like. 08:32 PM - 01 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 29. Angie Davis ❤️’s peen @AngieDavisHaha You can tell how single I am by the way my cat and dog wear their sombreros with quiet dignity and acceptance. 03:17 AM - 31 Jan 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 30. Joel Kim Booster @ihatejoelkim My self-esteem is holding steady at "this guy is too hot to be hitting on me, probably wants to rob me." 09:59 PM - 02 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 31. Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov ME: im sick of being single FRIEND: want me to set u up with someone? ME: absolutely not, i'd have to put on pants & talk. no thank u 07:48 PM - 19 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite