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    24 Jokes That Are So True, You'll Be Mad You Didn't Think Of Them First

    "I've been hitting 'remind me tomorrow' on a computer update for the last 68 years."


    The sense of time I have as a millennial is so weird... 1970: About 30 years ago 1980: About 20 years ago 1990: About 10 years ago 2000: About 10 years ago 2010: About 1,000 years ago 2016: About 10,000 years ago 2018: About 1,000 years ago Last week: About 1,000 years ago


    Me: how do I do my taxes Public School: shut the fuck up and square dance


    literally no one: me: are you mad at me?


    how I, a millennial, filter spam calls: -if my phone rings, it's spam


    person: *says something really sweet* me: *reads it over and over for a month*


    me before going through security at airport: what if i accidentally have a gun


    I've been hitting "remind me tomorrow" on a computer update for the last 68 years.


    All I want is a complicated, interesting, rich TV series that I can follow while doing something else and occasionally leaving the room.


    Start of cleaning: I am a calm minimalist earth goddess 10 minutes later: Marie Kondo can suck my left titty I love my numerous towers of dusty junk that have given me depression


    In my experience, adulthood is mostly piling stuff up on surfaces and then eventually having to clean off those surfaces


    Crazy that every person in front of you at an ATM has never used an ATM before


    me: wow I can’t wait to keep an open mind on this murder podcast [a man who has refused to be interviewed is introduced into the story] me: it was fucken him


    anyone who was a “pleasure to have in class” has an anxiety disorder now


    girls named megan are the worst because there are infinity ways to spell megan and every girl named megan is the kind of girl who gets extremely offended when you spell her name wrong. "uhhh it's meaghaheahn, dumass!" ok sorry maugenst please forgive me and also leave


    Is your dad really your dad if he doesn’t say “who?” after talking about any of your friends even if he’s known them for literally 7 years??


    if bohemian rhapsody starts playing and the person you’re with doesn’t start singing along and at least attempt the different voices, you really need to leave them alone. You just don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.


    The most important thing I've learned in life, and I can't stress this enough: you gotta make a salad in a bigger bowl than you think


    me at 16: leave me alone mom im an adult me at 23: mom if u dont come to the dentist with me ill end my shit


    I’m impressed with how ugly I’m willing to look in public these days


    computer: "save this image as 6606499f1e5c84d7c30.png?" me: "yea”


    does anyone remember when lol meant “laughing out loud” instead of “this is to indicate that this brief text isnt hostile”


    Was speaking to a nurse on placement and she’s like “do you ever feel like you use all your niceness at work and then when you get home you’re not nice to anyone in the house” and I couldn’t relate anymore if I tried 😭


    Things I Was Disappointed To Find Out Were True As An Adult: 1. I do feel better when I eat salad vs snack food as a meal 2. 8 hrs of sleep really does help my mood 3. Sitting in a chair vs flopping on a couch is better for my productivity 4. Drinking plain water is essential


    Adult culture is just walking around constantly astounded by how much everything costs

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