Heartbreak: It's something almost ALL of us have gone through, but whenever it happens, it still feels unique and specific to you. And it sucks!!! Breakups are hard, amiright?
But there is a silver lining to getting your heart broken: With the benefit of time and perspective, you can learn some important stuff about love and about yourself. So when Reddit user rate_my_pizza recently asked, "What was the most important lesson you’ve learned from a heartbreak?", plenty of people chimed in with the wisdom they'd learned from their breakups.
Here are some of the best answers:
1. "I learned to stop putting myself last in the hope that someone else will put me first."
2. "It's better to be alone than with the wrong person."
3. "Don't be partners with who someone could be."
"Be with someone for who they are."
4. "Don't ignore red flags."
"I had multiple red flags with my ex where he made it so blatantly obvious he would choose anything else above me (his guy friends, shadily texting an ex when I had told him it made me uncomfortable, etc), but I chose to believe whatever excuses he’d give me because I loved him so much, and love conquers all, right? Nah, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. The right person won’t put any of those thoughts in my mind."
5. "If someone wants to be with you, they just will be."
"True, they might not be lying about being busy with work or university or whatever, but if they really wanted to be with you, they would be. So don’t sit around hoping that 'once that project is done' or 'once they've graduated' that things will kick off again, because 99 times out of 100, they won’t."
6. "Sometimes, walking away doesn't mean giving up."
"I used to think that walking away meant giving up, and that everything could be fixed by talking about it and fighting to make it work, no matter what. But a good lesson to learn is knowing the difference between when something is dead and not worth your energy and when it can and should be saved."
7. "Learn to love yourself first."
"Love from another person can end at any point in time, for a thousand different reasons. Therefore, if you haven’t already, commence your journey of self-love. You literally are the only constant in your life. How you treat yourself will translate over into the quality of your relationship and your happiness."
8. "Don't give in to the sunk cost fallacy."
"Just because you have spent X amount of time with someone doesn't mean the relationship is working or will ever work again. You put in your work, you gave it a go, and now you are here. If it is time to move on and you are having those thoughts, do what you need to do to come to terms with it rather than spending that time and effort trying to convince yourself why you should stay."
9. "Don't lose yourself when they hurt you."
"Don't become what they are because you're in pain. Stay above it. Be good, keep loving, remember the good person you are. Don't let them ruin you."
10. "You can love someone with all your heart and they can love you back, but that doesn’t mean that you’re meant to be together."
"Your goals and future plans have to align in order for a relationship to work, and love alone won’t fix that."
11. "If you have to convince someone to be with you — don’t."
12. "Don’t let someone make you feel like you have to earn signs of affection and love from them."
"If someone loves you, they will show it constantly, not just when they get what they want."
13. "I am SO much stronger than I think I am."
"Even when I was gasping through an anxiety attack because of how broken and alone I felt, I survived it and grew."
14. "We don't just have one 'soulmate.'"
"There is an abundance of possibilities out there."
15. "Their faults are not your fault."
"No matter how much they try to convince you otherwise. You did not break them and you cannot fix them."
16. "Sometimes you don’t get closure, and you’ll never know why it ended."
17. "I have survived all of my worst experiences and I will move on past this."
Note: Answers have been edited for length and clairity.