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15 Animals That Will Make You Say, "Not Today, Satan”


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3. Cthulhu larva

Also known as Scotoplanes, sea pigs, or, in my mind, "fuck right off please, fuckity bye." Cthulhu larva eat by extracting food particles from the ocean floor, but nothing will convince me that these things won't suck my brain out if given the chance.

8. Deep-sea hatchetfish

They're called hatchetfish because their bodies are shaped like hatchets, and it's probably a better name than "soul-eating fish of the damned." Guys, Ursula's garden from The Little Mermaid is REAL.

12. Fangtooth fish

These toothy nightmares live deep down in the ocean, and their teeth-to-body ratio is the biggest of any fish known to man. THE BETTER TO TASTE YOU WITH, MY DEAR.

15. And finally, I have two words for you: PENIS SNAKE.

Matt Roper

The official name is Atretochoana eiselti, and these guys are actually not penises or snakes — they're legless amphibians who breathe through their skin. But "penis snake" is just a way better description, isn't it?

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