1.
*First date* Brain: quick say something interesting Me: Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake Brain: Nice
2.
[first date] HER: I like a man who isn’t afraid to get nasty ME: (trying to impress her) *double dips my fries in her ketchup*
3.
[First date] Him: "I like hot dogs." Me: "Scooby-Doo is very attractive."
4.
[FIRST DATE] Him: "I love science-fiction." Me, trying to impress him: "I think the earth is flat."
5.
(on a first date) you know if you shave a Guinea pig they look like tiny hippos *with way too much food in my mouth* they hate it though
6.
First date: *Don't let her know you're a bunch of cats in a person suit* Date: "what are your hobbies?" *slowly pushes wine glass off table*
7.
[first date] *emptying jar of coins into coinstar* "almost done" so where are we going after this? "what"
8.
[first date] HER: i'm really into astronomy ME: [revealing my secret stash of Milky Ways] you don't say
9.
[first date] her: i'm only into very mature guys me[trying to impress her] all of my action figures are still in the packaging
10.
{first date} Him: I'm 100% Italian. *trying to impress him* Me: Wow that's so crazy my dad happens to be a calzone
11.
{First Date} Her: If you can have dinner with someone living or dead, who would you choose? Me: The dead one. I'm not good around people.
12.
[first date at restaurant] ME: so, do you like dogs? HER: I'm more of a- ME: CHECK PLEASE
13.
[first date] Him: This restaurant seems nice. Me: Don't let him know you can't regulate your internal monologue Him: Your what?
14.
[first date] "table or booth?" date: table me: we're done here
15.
*on a first date* Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret
16.
[first date] Him: Why are you being so distant? Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole?
17.
[first date] WAITER: how would you like your steak? HIM: [thinking of something unique & witty] dead WAITER: and you, ma'am? HER: to go
18.
date:..and so after mom died my brother and i raised ourselves m: do you ever pretend youre an agent of shield i do
19.
(first date) Her: I try to stay in good shape. Me: (trying to impress) You'd make a great circle.
20.
[first date] Her: I love books and fictional bad guys Me: *trying to impress her* I'm on parole for stealing a book mobile
21.
[breaking 5 minute silence on first date] Me: sorry I laughed when you said both your parents were dead