1. Whether your period just started, or if it's butt sweat, or if you're turned on, or if you actually just peed a little.
2. Whether your pedicurist/masseuse/gynecologist appreciates it when you shave before an appointment.
3. Or, if you didn't shave, whether they were offended.
4. Whether it's cold enough outside to wear long pants, or if you need to shave.
5. Whether anyone else can smell that you're on your period.
6. Whether you're pregnant, even when you know there's literally no way you could be pregnant.
7. Whether your period's really over or if it's going to make a surprise reappearance once you put on your favorite pair of underpants.
8. Creating elaborate plans for how to discreetly use feminine hygiene products in public bathrooms.
9. How long the person in the other public bathroom stall will take to leave, because you really need to poop.
10. Whether that person in the other stall is also waiting for you to leave, so they can poop.
11. Realizing "there's a penis in there" after glancing at a guy's crotch.
I mean, usually.
12. What it would be like to have a penis for a day.
13. Then admitting that you would never leave the house because you would just masturbate for the entire day.
14. How you have any hair left on your head, considering how much hair you shed throughout the day (especially in the shower).
15. Whether you need to wash your hair today.
16. Where all the thousands of bobby pins you've bought over the years actually ended up.
17. How long you can go without washing your bra.
18. Or your makeup brushes.
19. How to rub your itchy eyes after you've already perfected your makeup.
20. If the shirt you're trying on is going to suddenly turn see-through once you're out of the store, exposing your bra to everyone.
21. Worrying that something was very wrong with your vagina because all of your underwear kept getting holes in the crotch.
22. And finally, you've thought about how much better every dress would be if they all came with pockets by default.
