1.
By age 35 you should have at least one fork in your cutlery drawer that you just don’t like, and actively frown at if you accidentally grab it.
2.
by the time you're 35, you should have resigned yourself to resetting your password every time you log in to anything you don't log in to daily
3.
By age 35 you should run into friends and say "WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOON!" twice a week. You will never hang out. You'll just scream this at each other until one of you dies.
4.
By age 35 you should have a huge box of cables but you can't throw them out because you're pretty sure you still need a couple of them but you're not sure which ones
5.
By age 35 you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes one size too small that you keep in eternal optimism that you'll fit in them again one day.
6.
By age 35 you should be able to re-watch Bridget Jones and think 'You're only 30 and you manage to afford to live alone?'
7.
By the age of 35, every woman should: - be walking around the house saying, “Why is every single light on? Do I look like I’m made of money? Open a curtain for once, will you?” - wonder aloud why this room that she just tidied is messy again - have developed a library of sighs
8.
by age 35 you should have a kitchen cabinet dedicated entirely to plastic bags that contain other, smaller plastic bags
9.
By the age of 35 you should already have figured out to spell BANANAS 🍌 without having to Mentally sing Holla Back Girl...
10.
By age 35 you should be surprised that other people think you have your shit together when really you're just holding onto the roller coaster for dear life with an excellent poker face.
11.
By age 35, you should have a big bag of socks that have no matches that you are afraid to throw even one of them away because as soon as you do, you'll run into its match.
12.
By the age of 35 you should have thrown away the whole tupperware at least 10 times because you’re just too tired and emotionally exhausted from the weight of being alive to deal with cleaning it out.
13.
By age 35 you should have a collection of excuses for cancelling plans and a system in place for how to realistically rotate them.
14.
By age 35, you should be ready for bed. All the time. The earlier the better. In fact, just stay in bed the whole day.
15.
By age 35, you should have a cabinet full of cups and glasses that, in your mind, each have their own specific use, and should make you quietly appalled when a guest uses them for the wrong beverage
16.
By age 35 you should have started noticing uncomfortable similarities between you and your parents that you swore you would never be like
17.
By age 35 you should have a list of documentaries you tell people you want to watch but you don’t watch them because you just never feel like you’re in the right mood.
18.
by the time you're 35 you should have saved at least half your sandwich for lunchtime instead of noming it at 10am.
19.
By age 35, you should know that everybody is making it up as they go and nobody else has any fucking idea what they're doing.