1.
DRINKING AT 25: Hell yeah let's go out all night and go straight to work DRINKING AT 35: Dear diary, I had a beer last month. I've had a hangover for two fortnight. I fear this is the end
2.
Me, in my 20s: "No diggity! No doubt!" Me, in my 30s: "Yes diggity. Yes doubt."
3.
Getting drunk at a mixed gender baby shower is spring break for people in their thirties
4.
Welcome to your 30s. You're continually stunned to find that 1998 was not 10 years ago.
5.
Dating in your 30s is just two people telling each other stories about how they used to be fun.
6.
Me in my 20's: *dresses like I'm on the catwalk* Me in my 30's: *dresses like I walk cats*
7.
Me in my 20s: secretly hates everyone. Me in my 30s: publicly hates everyone.
8.
Welcome to your 30s. You have a favorite reusable shopping bag now.
9.
"What is life in your 30s like?" "You get excited about a restaurant's location because it's close to Target and you need to buy soap."
10.
I love being in my 30s. I get messages from my friends like "oh god I'm in a club" and I'm like "oh god no" while I'm home eating string cheese
11.
Being spontaneous in your late thirties sometimes means going to a different grocery store than your usual chain and immediately regretting it.
12.
My 20s: *drinks all the drinks, does all the drugs, has all the sex. My 30s: *sits on the couch until it's no longer too early to go to bed
13.
Being in your thirties: wondering if a dress is too short to wear to the pub and then remembering that you used to wear it to work.
14.
My thirties, so far, in a nutshell
15.
Teens: I'll never die! Twenties: I almost died like 5 times last night lol Thirties: I pray for death to release me from this damaged vessel
16.
Dating in your 20s: I'm open to trying new things. *giggle* Dating in late 30s+: Here is a full list of my problems and things I will never, ever enjoy in any manner
17.
*on a Friday night* Me in my 20s: You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub. Look, mami, I got the X if you into takin' drugs. I'm into having sex; I ain't into making love. So come give me a hug if you're into gettin' rubbed. Me in my 30s: You can find me in a Costco.
18.
Yelling at your party guests in your 20s: "YOU BETTER CLEAN UP THAT PUKE OR THE LANDLORD IS GOING TO FLIP!" Yelling at your party guests in your 30s: "STOP CLEANING THE DISHES, TONY! I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT LATER. GO HAVE FUN, YOU CONSIDERATE ASSHOLE."
19.
Your 20s: "no regrets, no looking back!" Your 30s: "my lower back!"
20.
Welcome to your 30s. You peed 20 minutes ago but you could def go again already.
21.
In your 20s Sundays are for recovering from hangovers. In your 30s they are for recovering from IKEA.
22.
Everyone's right: hangovers take on a whole new dimension in your 30s. Mine even has its own career, partner and children; its name is Greg.
23.
Welcome to your 30s, when tupperware excites you as much as sex toys used to.
24.
In your 20s: #NetflixAndChill = sex In your 30s: #NetflixAndChill = Actually watching Netflix. Actually chilling.
25.
Music during sex... in your 20s: hot and romantic to get them in the mood in your 30s: loud enough so they can't hear your bones cracking
26.
Being single in your thirties is swooning over the guy at the grocery with flowers and toilet paper in his basket.
27.
Twenties: gotta keep that fridge STOCKED with beer, bro Thirties: oh shit I only have 15 cans of la croix left, time for a costco run
28.
One of the perks of being in your thirties is saying "I'm 32 -- I'm too old for this shit" and actually believing yourself because it's actually true
29.
i have watched the season premieres of four reality shows this week. feeling really good about my thirties.
30.
When you're in your thirties, "being mature for your age" means you've started waiting patiently for death.
31.
I only did yoga yesterday and tonight my abs hurt and my back aches. Is this what your thirties is; just an endless parade of hurt?
32.
In your thirties New Year's Eve gets good again because you stop ruining your life trying to have a year's worth of fun in eight hours.
33.
20s: Rage Against The Machine 30s: Rage Against Literally Everything