1. You own multiple black ties.
You may think you look like Don Draper, but trust me, you don’t.
2. You know multiple napkin folds.
Two minutes to fold, one second for a guest to smear lipstick on and ask for another.
6. You over-tip at restaurants.
Because you never get tipped. Like, ever.
8. You have served Scott Baio.
9. You have parked your crap car outside of a multi-million dollar mansion.
No, that’s not an art installation, it’s your ‘89 Corolla.
10. You have taken a lunch break in someone’s garage next to their Bugatti.
“Try not to smudge it. Actually, don’t even look at it.”
11. You have taken a lunch break next to a dumpster.
Screw sanitation standards, I needs to eat!
12. Your forearms are ripped from tray-passing drinks.
13. You have seen a Rothko hanging in a dining room that nobody eats in.
“Oh, that? I don’t really get it. I think we got it at Target.”
14. You correct people on the pronunciation of “charcuterie.”
15. You constantly look for hiding places to check your phone/ eat appetizers.
If I can’t see them, they can’t see me.
- President Trump has given House Republicans an ultimatum: Pass their health care bill Friday or he'll move on to other issues.
- The Republican health care bill is "anti-woman," said the president of Planned Parenthood, whose organization would be defunded by the legislation.
- The suspect in the London terror attack near Parliament, who was killed by police, has been identified as 52-year-old Khalid Masood.
- Donald Trump had a photo op in a semitruck. The photos were too good not to become a meme — and the internet delivered 🚛👍