1. The penises on Greek statues were intentionally small, because the Greeks associated small peepees with moderation — "one of the key virtues that formed their view of ideal masculinity,” according to classics professor Andrew Lear. Large penises were often perceived as being associated with being a drunk or elderly.
2. It is believed that there are between 600-700 people in the world with diphalia, aka TWO PENISES. It apparently occurs in 1 in every 5.5 million births, and is caused when a cellular split occurs during the development of the penis, and two penises are independently created.
3. There's a form of kung-fu called "iron crotch" which teaches men how to lift weights with their penises and deftly receive hard penis blows. According to Wei Yaobin, a master in "iron crotch," the practice of being hit in the dick is "good for the health." MMKAY.
4. Daddy Long Legs spiders aren't really spiders because they actually have penises (other species of spiders actually transfer their sperm via an indirect method).
5. Ancient Romans used to wear and decorate their houses with "Fascinus" — which are basically penis totems. Children would even wear penis necklaces because they were supposed to be the embodiment of "divine fertility."
6. Romans would also host processionals of huge phalluses across the countryside as a part of the festival of Liberalia, which celebrated young boys coming of age. Carrying a large penis around the country was supposed to protect crops and ward off disease.
7. When male honeybees ejaculate (whilst having sex mid-air FYI) they actually DIE. The force of their ejaculation causes the tip of the honeybee penis to rupture, which leads to death. R.I.P. honey bees.
8. Napolean's penis? Oh, it belongs to the daughter of a urologist who bought the dick for $3,000. John Lattimer purchased the penis in 1977, and when he died in 2007, he willed the member to his daughter. Lattimer collected other oddities like the collar Lincoln was wearing the night he was assassinated and the capsule which contained the cyanide Hermann Göring took when he committed suicide.
9. King Tutankhamun was apparently mummified with his penis erect, because of course.
10. Through the years, people have tried all KINDS of bizarre methods of birth control. The Egyptians would apply various concoctions to the penis — including onion juice, honey, and insects soaked in donkey milk — to prevent pregnancy.
11. Please don't do this: In 1988, a report was issued warning of the dangers of mixing penises and cocaine after a man injected his penis with cocaine with disastrous results. The man thought it would heighten his sexual experience, but it resulted in doctors having to amputate both of his legs, nine fingers and his penis.
12. In presidential penis news, Warren G. Harding used to write love letters to his mistress where he referred to his penis as "Jerry." OK.
13. And according to his biographers, President Lyndon B. Johnson named his penis Jumbo, and would often whip it out and show his dick to his staff.
14. Speaking of jumbo: Bull elephants have a prehensile penis that is so big it can act as a fifth leg. An erect bull elephant penis can actually swat away flies, scratch an elephant's undercarriage, and act as a stool to help steady the animal.
15. Dr. J.H. Kellogg (of the cereal brand), advocated for that children be circumcised in order to quell sexual urges. Kellogg thought that by administering a circumcision without anesthetic, a young boy would associate masturbation with pain. "The operation should be performed without administering an anaesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment, as it may well be in some cases," he wrote. "The soreness which continues for several weeks interrupts the practice, and if it had not previously become too firmly fixed, it may be forgotten and not resumed."
16. Zippers are to blame for around 1,700 penis injuries a year. So buy button fly jeans or something
17. The Iceland Phallological Museum in Reykjavik contains more than 280 penis specimens. It's thought to be the largest and most varied collection of penises in the world, and also contains four human penises that were "legally gifted" to the museum.
18. All right, all right, all right: Barnacles have the largest penises in proportion to their body size. A barnacle's penis can grow up to ten times the size of its body. Awkward.
19. According to a 2011 study published in the Asian Journal of Andrology, people with shorter index fingers than ring fingers tend to have bigger penises. Be honest, are you looking at your hand right now?
20. Catherine the Great was a total perv and had tons of furniture pieces COVERED IN DICKS. Sadly, her collection of X-rated furniture was demolished during WWII, but she was apparently a huge fan of penis furniture.
21. Channing Tatum accidentally burned the head of his penis in an accident with hot water while filming the 2010 movie The Eagle of the Ninth. Does anybody even remember that movie?
22. There is a rare disorder called "penis captivus" (or captive penis) when a man's penis can get so engorged with blood that his member gets stuck inside a woman's vagina during intercourse. As Dr. John Dean explained to the BBC, "The muscles of the woman's pelvic floor contract rhythmically at orgasm. While those muscles contract the penis becomes stuck and further engorged." OUCH.
23. Unlike many other mammals, humans don't have a baculum, or penis bone. Researchers think that humans may have evolved from having baculum when we decided on monogamy as a means of forming family units. “With the reduced competition for mates, you are less likely to need a baculum," explained researcher Kit Opie in a 2016 Guardian article.
24. The penis on a statue of Heracles in Arcachon, France, kept getting stolen, so artists created a detachable penis for the figure.